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Black & Single: The happy home wrecker

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Posted: Thursday, September 27, 2012 12:05 am

“Girl, why the [expletive] does ‘don’t ever call me again’ mean ‘let me call you every day until you want to talk to me?’”

I didn’t know if this was rhetorically being shouted at me up and down from a stranger danger, so I didn’t want to risk rushing to respond.

My instincts completely failed me, but I was able to serve her one of those “I don’t quite think you’re crazy, but you could easily be drunk – so I still don’t want to risk it” awkward smiles as I stood around greeting the regulars of the nightlife scene.

“Kenya, girl…it’s me,” she says in response to my grin – in one of those, “you know me, girl” tones. Before I could even respond, she goes in!

“Girl, these dudes be on one! You know what I’m talking about,” she continues. “I’ve been going back and forth forever and this dude treats me like I’m his side chick – only he ain’t with nobody. When I play him like he’s playing me, then he wants to call, text and cake up all day. Write about that!”


I felt like I already had done so – many times over, in fact – but, I mean, what else could I say at this point? She probably was tipsy, but I was intrigued to take her up on the challenge.

She and this guy have been going back and forth for going on five years. The ebb and flow of their relationship is so familiar it’s downright silly.

She calls him, he dogpaddles in circles just to present the illusion that they are going somewhere. They stall. She gives the “where is this going?” line in the sand dramatic climax. They break up. He creeps back in. The cycle continues.

I later learn that this all-too-familiar scenario has an unusual, plot-thickening twist. What’s different about these two though is that she doesn’t sit and wait for the phone to ring.

When he stops calling, she moves on. She dates and gets in relationships. Not so much as a whisper from him – and that’s fine with her. According to her, it’s when HE’S IN a new relationship WITH SOMEONE ELSE that he gets to calling and wanting to spend time with her.

Yes, the odd dynamic is their relationship is at its best when she is single and he is attached to someone else.

She swears that she has never been unfaithful in the two relationships she’s had since she’s met her standby boo, but totally owned up to hosting more than a few creep sessions.

There didn’t seem to be any real guilt in her home wrecker activities, mainly because she knew him first but partly because she is the “cheatee” and not the “cheater.”

“Why do you think that he only wants to be your boyfriend when he has a girlfriend?” I ask.

“I don’t think he can handle me full time,” she said in response.

“But wait, you just said when you are single and he is single, he essentially says ‘have a seat,’” I reply.

“I did, didn’t I, girl?” she said, signaling me to slap her a high five.

“What’s wrong with him, then?” she said.

I wanted to say, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ but I felt like that would be pushing it.”

“Who knows, girl, he might be one of those that gets a kick out of trickling back to the familiar…like Diddy,” I replied.

“Diddy?” she asked, looking puzzled as all get out.

“Yeah, you know – the never-ending saga between Cassie and Kim Porter?”

“Who?” she said.

“Diddy’s baby-mama and his side chick?”

“Awww…oh, girl, yeah,” she said. “He still with the other one? Why is she still with him, knowing that he keeps the other girl all up in his face in public like that?”

“Girl, men with money think they can get away with anything,” I said.

But what I was really thinking was, “No, the question is, why is Cassie – and why are you – settling for being anything less than official?”

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