Swag Snap of the Week: Earthquake

Comedian Earthquake was happy to pose with fans Keanna and Carmen after they purchased a copy of this “These Ain’t Jokes” DVD following his sold-out show Sunday night at Helium.

Can’t let the snow stop my show. Y’all don’t know how close it was to there not being a Partyline, thanks to Snowmagedden 2019, the biological child of the snow of ’82. I don’t have to remind y’all that the whole city was shut down Friday and Saturday night – and that the highways and streets were looking like Steinberg Skating rink. I’m just glad that I was about to steer clear of it. I’m so thankful for traveling grace and I wish all the folks who weren’t as fortunate a speedy return to normal (whether that was personal injury or property damage). I’m still bent out of shape that I didn’t have a chance to get fired up by St. Louis’ own Auntie Maxine (Waters) at the MLK Statewide Kickoff or see Jacquees defend his self-appointed King of R&B crown. Oh well. I was able to Eskimo my way through what was left of the weekend and cobble a little something together to give you a kee-kee or two. So, let’s get on with it. Feel free to name one of the babies I’m sure were conceived over the weekend after me, as a token of appreciation for my efforts. 

Stomping down with the Deltas. The Kappas and AKAs went out of 2018 with a bang, but the Deltas did not come to play when it came to ringing in 2019. It was a sea of Red, White and Black at Mahler Ballroom for their 106th and Party Founder’s Day Celebration on Sunday. Well, it was mostly black with red accessories, but still. Listen, the slayage was on official as they partied like it was 1913. There were so many lewks I don’t know where to begin. I take that back…let me start with the hot red, suede, over-the-knee boot Romney Edwards was serving on a platter, honey. She lived up to devastating diva to the nth degree. I don’t know how she made it in without twisting her ankle. Even if she had limped – or come through in a wheelchair – it would have been worth it. I’m guessing there was a shoe swap, or a prime parking space was involved. Next, lets talk about the little black dress game that Kimberly Burke was killing. And has Kacy Seals ever disappointed when it comes to an OOTD (outfit of the day)? That was rhetorical. Anybody who reads partyline knows the answer is a solid no. Her classy but snatched catsuit was exactly what is expected of her. I could go all day naming my favorite DST ladies who came out of their cabin fever ready to get turnt. Alice Prince, Lawanda Hall, Jody Squires (we always have a good cackle when we meet up, don’t we girl?), Raquelle Wallace, Ralonda Jasper and a whole bunch of others. And I could barely get a word in with them because they were strolling like their letters depended on it. I already told y’all the Deltas had a “Back That Thang Up” stroll. But I learned Sunday night that they also have Delta step remixes to “The Wobble” and “The Fantasy Slide.” And as I pointed out to one of my faves, this new generation of Deltas stomp all heavy like some Que dogs. She said, “Well if you mention that, be sure to let everybody know” that these millennial AKAs whip their hair so tough that they are going to be walking around cross-eyed with traumatic brain injury symptoms in a few years. Fair enough.

AKA party time. Since I’m already talking about the AKAs, I might as well let y’all know that they will be celebrating their own Founder’s Day, otherwise known as J15 this weekend by taking over Concourse B of the Airport Saturday night for the AKA 111 Anniversary Party. If their end-of-the-year jam is any indication, it is going to be ___________(insert new slang for lit)…hair whips and all. 

A hilarious Earthquake in the snow. The folks were so anxious to get out of the house after that blizzard that I thought they were going to get some Bluetooth speakers connected and start seating folks up in the mall to listen to Earthquake because there were no seats left to be had in Helium – not a single one – for  that Sunday night show. And while he rehashed a bit of the last part of his set, that first half was hee-larious. Because I was having so much fun with the Deltas, I missed his openers. When I popped my head in, Earthquake was going in on Trump’s awful border policies. “So they taking children away from their families, separating parents from children … I’ve read that story before.” And I was hollering when he was talking about Aretha Franklin’s funeral and how she probably missed her appointment at the pearly gates because of her homegoing of all homegoings. 

Bury those boots girl. I’ve mentioned Romney’s fashion win a few entries up, now let me get to the bad … or should I say, the ugly. But these awful “Balencinada” boots y’all been torturing my eyeballs with since my forever First Lady came through with the thigh-high, iridescent $3900 Balenciaga stunners have got to stop. I let it slide for the New Year’s Weekend Comedy Show. But when I saw two more pair of $39.95 versions at Earthquake’s show, I feel like it’s a trend that I have to do my part to make come to an end. As much as Michelle Obama is my shero, I hold her directly responsible for your aunties trying to mimic the look to absolutely no avail. One of the women at the Chaifetz had some on that were so wore down that the toe was frayed like Christmas tree tinsel and the heel looked like a broken off bite-sized Kit Kat. I was like, “It’s only been a week since Michelle came through with the lewk, how is your version of the look so broke down, so fast?” My breaking point was during Earthquake when I peeped a woman of a certain age in a gold alleged snakeskin interpretation . She was an itty-bitty thing, so she needed a hem in the ankle. And the thigh part had so much room, she could tuck her nine-month-old grandbaby in there while she watches “The Young & The Restless.” I’m sorry to rant, but my soul has been irked to no end. 

Will Downing is on his way. Since I’m offering previews because there was nowhere for me to get recaps thanks to Snowmagedden I might as well let y’all know that Breakaway Productions and Witherspoon Entertainment will be bringing Grammy Award winning soul crooner Will Downing to Harris-Stowe State University for their Valentine’s Weekend Kickoff-Concert. The show takes place on Sunday, February 10 and will also feature Lamont Hadley. I don’t have to sell this show to anybody who has ever seen Will life, so hit up metrotix.com to get your tickets. Doors open at 5:30 p.m.

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