It’s Thanksgiving time, when Political EYE gives thanks to those politicians whose tireless service and disservice makes this column possible all year long.
President Donald Trump: Thanks for showing us how many Americans value their political party over national security and for showing us that millions of Americans will choose treason over relinquishing straight cisgender white male supremacy in our country.
U.S. Senator Roy Blunt: Thanks for recommending Jeff Jensen for U.S. attorney for Eastern Missouri. You sit silently while your president bankrupts our nation in thrall to a hostile foreign power, but you did get us a good man for the DOJ in STL. He brought back Hal Goldsmith, who punked and dunked Steve Stenger.
U.S. Senator Josh Hawley: Thanks for providing a Missouri model for the next generation of theocratic authoritarian the GOP is engineering to succeed Trump now that Eric Greitens is damaged goods (but you had better spend more time looking into a mirror in the weight room if you ever hope to do more than talk tough like Donald “Bone Spurs” Trump).
U.S. Rep. Wm. Lacy Clay: Thanks for providing St. Louis’ only federal representation who votes consistently with compassion, humanity and patriotism.
Missouri Gov. Mike Parson: Thanks for being less charismatic and therefore less dangerous than Eric Greitens, though reflect on how well you cared for the cattle you raised back on the farm and ask yourself if poor people don’t deserve a minimum of health care and nutrition — just like cows.
Missouri Attorney General Eric Schmitt: Thanks for joining every single lawsuit on the wrong side — especially the one that would gut the Affordable Care Act’s protections for preexisting conditions — and thereby giving your Democratic opponent a paint-by-numbers campaign platform.
Missouri Secretary of State Jay Ashcroft: Thanks for not setting progressive ballot initiatives on fire on the Capitol steps while wearing a MAGA hat, but instead only dragging your feet hoping that inaction and the plausible deniability of your incompetence defeats the will of the people you swore to serve. Also, say hi to Daddy.
Missouri State Auditor Nicole Galloway: Thanks for providing the only evidence of sentient, compassionate, patriotic human life in statewide office in the Show Me Misery State — and that evidence is voluminous and compelling.
St. Louis County Executive Sam Page: Thanks for hiring the right people to help you work behind the scenes to feed Steve Stenger to the feds and then to wrangle your appointment to succeed him, because since you took office you have been undoing the damage Stenger did and setting a high standard for progressive leadership in a county that really does appear to be willing to change.
St. Louis County Prosecutor Wesley Bell: Thanks for defying your many enemies and honoring your righteous campaign promises by building and expanding diversion programs and beginning to chart your office toward a compassionate and more productive vision of criminal justice than just locking (mostly black) people up and letting them rot. (But, next time, hold the lobster tail.)
St. Louis Assessor Jake Zimmerman: Thanks for great public service in an important but unglamorous office, but why try to put a stick in the spokes of Sam Page when he obviously is moving the county in a progressive direction?
St. Louis Mayor Lyda Krewson: Thanks for putting your city’s historic black newspaper back on the media list that you removed us from and sparing us both an expensive law suit that would have shown your denial of honest public service to the majority-black readers who rely on our newspaper for information like the public information you distribute to the media, or at least (for a while there) to the white media.
St. Louis Comptroller Darlene Green: Thanks for being the only vote on the city’s Board of Estimate and Apportionment calling for the closing of the Workhouse and a public vote before vultures sell our airport to private and unaccountable concerns.
St. Louis Aldermanic President Lewis Reed: Thanks for ... uh ... thanks for ... um ... kind of drawing a blank on this one. Happy Thanksgiving, brother! Let us know when you will start answering questions for us and our readers. And don’t wait until campaign time comes around again! Because then you would just look like another status quo opportunist.
St. Louis Circuit Attorney Kimberly Gardner: Thanks for standing up fearlessly to one of the most lawless, often vicious organizations in the United States, the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department. Your owning up to your Brady List of cops who should not and will not be trusted to testify against a fellow citizen in a criminal court of law is a landmark in courage and truth-telling for a prosecutor.
St. Louis Treasurer Tishaura O. Jones: Thanks for hanging in there and staying in St. Louis despite overt local mainstream media racism and a shameless group of black sell-outs willing to dilute the power of your electability for a few crumbs at the trough of the plantation. Unfortunately, you can expect more of both if you keep fighting to serve this city and all of its citizens in a competent, fearless and progressive way.