The string of deaths related to bullying is ever growing. Like most
anti-social behavior, bullying is learned. And like most of those behaviors,
it is perpetuated if reinforced and if no one addresses the issue.
As a general rule, we don’t get to the root of a serious problem in this country; we either totally ignore it, even as it gets bigger in front of our faces, or we address the superficial symptoms. This society is all about quick fixes.
When it comes to children and youth, our attitudes about their problems are painfully insensitive and downright ignorant. We think that since they are small entities, their issues are small. And since they’re small, maybe the problems might go away.
Unfortunately, this attitude has resulted in uneducated or under-educated youth, and psychologically-challenged youth who have been exposed to physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Many times, these combustibles explode in the classroom, in the home or in the community.
Juvenile detention centers and prisons can tell us a graphic story about what we are doing to our children, not for them. Children do grow up. Whatever needs they had that weren’t met as children will manifest as adults.
Bullying is reinforced in this society at every turn. Too often, it gets presented as some kind of virtue or strength. The message is that you must step on people to get ahead, to be respected and to be in control. It is not just evident in corporate America; bullying exists at every level. You see bullying behavior in the medical and teaching professions, in the legislature, in the court system, in the prisons, in relationships, in sports and so on.
Bullying coupled with bigotry is a dangerous combination. That’s the other unfortunate situation in this country. We are conditioned to look for the “other,” the difference, in people for the purpose of criticism, ridicule and domination or as further justification as to why we can’t accept them.
Bullies are highly manipulative and will use whatever means to carry out their power over others. The internet has become one of those means. So, instead of being humiliated in front a couple of kids in the hallway, now the whole world can get involved. A new term has been coined to describe it – cyber bullying.
Always close to a bully and his victims are adults. When parents, teachers or administrators don’t address the problem, they are allowing the situation to escalate. Time and time again, we hear of children and their parents trying to get the attention of school officials to deal with the situation, to no avail.
James Jones took matters into his own hands when he boarded his daughter’s bus and threatened the students and the bus driver. His daughter has cerebral palsy (the “other”) and had been harassed on the school bus. That frustrated, black father standing up for his daughter went viral and many supported his actions, including with the formation of a Facebook page. That’s a response, not a solution.
Most of us have a story about ourselves or someone we know who got beat down by a bully and their parent made them go and confront that bully. Part of what we must do is to teach our children to stand up for themselves. The other part is getting help for the bully who has his or her own issues. There must be clear messages that bullying is unacceptable.
There are now 44 states that have anti-bullying laws on the books. This is meaningless unless we all work to create safe, secure and nurturing environments for young people, regardless of their abilities, sexual orientation, religion and race. Adults must hold bullying adults accountable for their behavior whenever and wherever bullying raises its ugly head.