Part of a year-long series, presented by The American and the Brown School at Washington University, about changing the narratives and outcomes of young black males in St. Louis.
Growing up in Kinloch, I was exposed to a lot of positive things due to the type of family that I had. I was also experiencing a bunch of negative things throughout the city because of some of the friends I kept around.
Church was an important part of my upbringing. My mother made us go to church a lot, so having a right mind and a good heart was always a part of who I was. Although church was as long as ever and I never wanted to go, I still give credit to God for how my life turned out.
Outside of going to church and school, I was basically a homebody. I rarely could go anywhere with my friends. When I did go outside, I would always have to stay in the front of the house. I thought that my mother was real strict. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized she was just trying to protect me and keep me from being exposed to everything negative that was going on.
Once I aged and started to move around more, I would start to experience more negative things happening to the people who were close to me and the people who I loved. As a black male teen, I already had a target on my back, whether from the police or people I didn’t get along with, but I always watched my back and moved with the people I trusted the most.
My friends always tried to get me to go places I couldn’t go. Most of the times when the people I hung out with would go out they would do something real stupid that would get them in a lot of trouble. I was scared of trouble because I knew that with trouble there would be consequences, and those consequences I did not want a part of. I tried my best to stay out of trouble.
Going into my freshman year of high school, I was dealing with a lot of sadness and anger because one of my cousins had been shot and killed. I was very hurt because his death caught us off-guard. We didn’t expect him to go like that and so instant.
Before my cousin passed away, he came to church with a whole new look. He had cut his dreds off and walked with more confidence. He still had that big smile on his face. He came in the church and rededicated his life to the Lord. We had rarely seen him in church and never thought he would cut his hair, so it was kind of like he knew his time to leave us was soon approaching.
Following the death of my cousin was the killing of Mike Brown by Darren Wilson, a police officer with the Ferguson Police Department. Mike Brown also had a target on his back. The death of Mike Brown sparked world controversy, bringing different celebrities and civil rights activists like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, J. Cole, and others to Ferguson.
His death would also bring out the negativity in people, and they started to loot and burn down local businesses that the community needed. I lived only a couple streets over from the scene and where they destroyed a bunch of things in the community. So those nights were very rough for my family and the people in my community. School was cancelled for a week or two, and the first day of school was pushed back to the end of August 2014.
The summer after my freshman year of high school I was informed about the Boys & Girls Club of Greater St. Louis. I never knew that these people would change my life forever. They made me see life through a whole different perspective. They inspired me to go to school and try to be something in life.
In high school, I was an excellent track athlete and became the captain of the McCluer Comet track team. Little did I know I would fall in love with the sport and become very addicted to it as if it were my drug. That sport pushed me through high school and kept me out of a lot of trouble.
But close to the end of my junior year, in the middle of my third track season, my family faced another tragedy. My cousin Darion, who was only 12 days older than me, was in a car accident 10 days before his 17th birthday.
The way I found out was so crazy. I watched a Facebook live video of car crash, and I thought to myself that looked like the highway right behind my grandmother’s house. So I clicked on the video and said, “Momma, this look like Darion,” real loud. We watched for a while and found out it was him and called around to get some information on what happened.
Darion was pronounced dead the next day at the hospital. That really took a toll on me, because we had watched each other grow together and just knew that our future lives would be successful. Throughout the rest of my high school career, everything I did I did it for him.
That summer after my senior year I lost a lot of friends, whether they would walk out of my life or be taken from me. So I had to watch my back, because I knew I was destined to be successful.
I am currently enrolled at Alabama State University. I am majoring in Business Management. I am not yet on the track team, but I do plan to join later and make the best of it. As a teen I always wanted to run in the Olympics or go back and coach for my old team, so I may try and make track a full-time commitment. Graduating college and getting a degree is definitely a part of my future. After graduation I would love to continue settling down with the love of my life and later get married and have a family.
The Boys & Girls Club of Greater St. Louis play a big part in my journey. They taught me how to help someone in need. Success requires a plan: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” So, beware of the roadblocks in the way and find a way through it.
Joseph Smart is a student at Alabama State University and an alumnus of the Boys and Girls Club of Greater St. Louis.
“Homegrown Black Males” is a partnership between HomeGrown STL at the Brown School of Social Work at Washington University in St. Louis and The St. Louis American, edited by Sean Joe, Benjamin E. Youngdahl Professor and associate dean at the Brown School, and Chris King, managing editor of The American, in memory of Michael Brown.
