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“font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;”>Saturday before last I get a voicemail from a friend of mine.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Girl, call me.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Based on the blissfully frantic tone, the message was vocal shorthand for: “Girrrrlllll, I met somebody who just might be ‘the one.’ Call me so I can break down the first day of my happily ever after. P.S. I’m calling everybody in my phone and posting a Facebook status update, so don’t be alarmed in the lag time between this message and when we connect.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>She left the message around noon. It was well after midnight before I finally won the game of phone tag.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Girl, you won’t believe what happened to me up in Whole Foods?” The joy was oozing through the phone.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“You met somebody?” I ask, pretending to sound surprised. It was the most pitiful blacting attempt since BET stopped airing those Arabesque love dramas.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Not just somebody…girl…!”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>She was so caught up in her moment that she didn’t pick up on my urban stage play dramatic moment.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>She went on to tell me how that morning she stepped out of her comfort zone and approached this stunning (as in Shemar Moore circa 1995) brother. It started out as a simple business card handoff – but ended in an
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>They talked as he shopped. He invited her to go running. After their exercise they enjoyed a candlelight dinner and talked until the clock struck 12.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Girl, I’m just now walking in the door,” she said. “It was the most perfect night of my life.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>According to her, they talked and shared each other’s life stories in a way that seemed preordained. The way she ran it down I was almost ready to assume her car had turned into a pumpkin as she raced home.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>The line beeped mid-conversation and – of course – it was him.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>We hung up, and 30 minutes later I got a text from her. “He’s coming over.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Those three words let me know that it wasn’t up for debate. The fact that she sent a text made me realize that there was no point in bothering to talk her out of it.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Guard your heart … and protect your panties.” I replied.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>The next night she called to let me know that “the magic had happened … and it was still all good.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>They had Easter brunch and met up again for dinner that evening.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>The next day I called to see how it was going on the third day with her new boo, but they were at dinner.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I decided from this point forward to let her call me with any relationship updates.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>One day became three. Three days became five. When a week crept up and tapped me on the shoulder, I became fearful that her beautiful beau was so perfect because he was the black Ted Bundy. The thought of my friend being the 18th victim found floating face down in a ravine – or cut up in a deep freezer – had me frazzled.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>On Friday I called to make sure I didn’t need to hire a psychic investigator.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>She saw that I had been calling and left a message.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Girl, call me…”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Same three words, yet the application of them were on the opposite end of the spectrum from just a week before.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>It was over.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>In less than 24 hours, they had learned everything about each other. By the first 48, they both decided that they were meant to be husband and wife.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>On day four, she found out about a “fresh baby’ – his fifth – and a personality that was the losing combination of compulsive flake.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Her big regret…? You guessed it.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>But some kind of way she managed to rationalize her stepping outside of her personal dating structure, ignoring the inner voice that whispered to her to slow down and step back, and disregarding my “girl, don’t let him do it to you” text.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“At least he got what he wanted and is outta my face instead keeping on that mask men wear when they are trying to convince you to trust them enough to let them into your bed,” she said. “Had it gone down the typical way, I wouldn’t have found out about his mess until I was already caught up.”
