As I was mulling over my plan of attack for my what have unfortunately become my annual resolutions – to get my body together in particular – I had one of those Oprah “aha moments.”
It may sound crazy, but decided to add something new to my list. Are you ready? Okay. I’ve given myself the ambitious goal of giving my love life an extreme makeover.
Think about it…if you’ve been doing things exactly the same way for a quarter-century and have NOTHING to show for it, isn’t it about time for a complete overhaul? Exactly.
I had decided – partly based on the feedback that I received after my confession to the guy from a few columns back – to do things differently with the intent of yielding different results. And by different results, I mean results.
So anyway, I thought about it and my wayward midsection and my nonexistent love life have run completely parallel to each other. They both started around the 8th grade and have simultaneously given me the blues. And as I approach my mid-30s, I figured now is the time to get them both under control for good…or else!
Since they seem to have some kind of eerie connection, I figured that they should be handled in the same obsessively methodic way.
Each year I take an assessment of what I’ve been doing wrong for the last 11 months (because up until February 1 I’m dedicated) – that includes my eating, exercise and other factors that keep me at ground zero with respect to my weight loss.
I thought that I would apply the same principle to my personal life. But this would be tricky and a bit complicated. I know how many McDoubles with extra pickles I said ‘yes please’ versus the ‘no thank you’ regarding spin classes. It’ simple math and it adds up to 2X.
But stepping back and objectively taking into account what’s going on to keep you from connecting with someone is more than a notion.
With this quest I decided to incorporate another resolution I created for myself in 2011…to ask for help when I need it instead of being overburdened and unhappy.
So, I enlisted the aid of the two people that are essentially the size of it with respect to my love life. I was in search of me an honest assessment of what role they feel I played in keeping things from progressing to happily ever after.
The first was my first love. I met him my first semester of college and he had me at hello. We stayed in touch for the better part of 15 years and a dysfunctional relationship of epic proportions ensued – several incidents even made their way into Black and Single.
I looked him up on Facebook (isn’t it something?) and under the subject line “Longtime no talk…quick question” I asked, “What do you think I am doing in my life to keep from attracting the right kind of love?”
I assumed he wouldn’t respond because we hadn’t talked in several months and I knew he had someone else – he usually goes AWOL when he’s involved…as he should.
But a few hours later I get the “Re:…” He says, “As far as that goes, I’m not going to answer…my opinion would be of no benefit to you.”
“Well damn, that was hurtful,” is what popped in my mind. I was so disgusted that I wasn’t even moved in the least when he asked what color bra I had on.
That was that.
The other guy’s note was distributed through text. He’s a flake in following up, so in order to elicit a prompt response I added the post script of “this is for a story, so please hit me back.”
A week and some change later and I’ve got nothing.
Can you guess what my first diagnosis with respect to treating my love woes was? I’ll give you a hint…selection, selection, selection!
