Sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake regarding the latest Hollywood drama, the latest woes of today’s current hot gangster rapper or the latest Lindsay Lohan criminal activity. Needless to say, I must admit that I was more delayed than usual in getting the details regarding the NFL saga regarding Ray Rice. However, when I finally witnessed that unbelievable elevator footage of him and his girlfriend, I then understood all of the hoopla.
If you have somehow missed this awful, yet so telling story, please allow me to recap. Ray Rice, a now former running back for the Baltimore Ravens, violently punched his then fiancée, Janay Palmer in a hotel elevator back in February. Rice struck her so hard that her head hit the handrail and she was knocked unconscious. He then proceeded to drag her limp body to the lobby as if he were pulling a large sack of potatoes. It was absolutely appalling to watch but surely not uncommon. But probably the most sickening aspect of the story was that this fiancée actually married him a month later! It is hard for me to fathom a father walking his daughter down the aisle into the hands of someone who would treat his daughter that way. Did anyone say to her that the $15 million dollar signing bonus and $7 million dollar option bonus were not more valuable than her precious life?
By no means is this a rant against the victim. This is a rant against the psychological damage that intimate partner violence (IPV) has obviously done to a society of women and a rant against a society that tries to sweep such disgrace under the rug or even try to pretend it did not exist. I felt deep pain and empathy for the future Mrs. Rice. Did she honestly believe like countless other victims that he did not mean to hurt her and he would never do it again? Did she think so lowly of herself that she believed the notoriety of being associated with a professional football player would outweigh the possible future episodes of abuse? I don’t have the answers to those questions but I do know that Mrs. Rice took to social media to defend her husband, which is consistent with scores of other women who have been abused.
One in three women has been the victims of intimate partner violence. In comparison, one out of every 10 men has experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking within their lifetime. A large number of cases never even get reported. In the United States, one-third of women have been slapped, pushed or shoved by their significant other in their lifetime. Every community regardless of socioeconomic status, age, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, or race is affected by domestic violence. A 2011 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Youth Risk Behavior Study showed that 9.4 percent of high school students reported being purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt within the last 12 months by their partner.
In the aftermath of the Ray Rice scandal, scores of individuals have been voicing their opinion on Facebook, Twitter and in the break room at work. I’ve heard comments from women who believe that Janay Palmer deserved what she received because she apparently spit in Rice’s face. I cannot imagine why anyone would be justified in causing such harm to another individual. However, if indeed those actions occurred in this incidence then both parties need training in conflict resolution and a reminder regarding kindergarten rules- keep your hands and bodily fluids to yourself.
Status, fame, and wealth are not legitimate excuses for abusing another human being. “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” I Corinthians 13: 4-6 New International Version.
I could only hope that this painful situation for Mr. and Mrs. Ray Rice and the entire National Football Association will garner needed attention to all of the other victims, mainly women, who have suffered at the hands of their partners.
Yours in Service,
Denise Hooks-Anderson, M.D.
Assistant Professor
SLUCare Family Medicine
yourhealthmatters@stlamerican.com
