When most people think about adoption, the focus often falls on new beginnings — adoptive families welcoming a child into their home and children finding stability and love. But behind every adoption is another story, one shaped by courage, uncertainty, identity and loss.
This November, as the nation observes National Adoption Month, Lutheran Family and Children’s Services of Missouri is highlighting the experiences of birth parents, who are often absent from public discussion about adoption. The organization, which partners with BraveLove, says its goal is to increase understanding of the emotional and practical challenges birth parents face before and after placement.
“Birth parents bring truth, perspective and balance to the adoption conversation,” said Janelle Basham, executive director of BraveLove. “Their voices remind us that adoption is not a single moment, but an ongoing journey that continues to shape lives.”
For many, that journey involves a mix of connection and loss.
“It’s love expressed through wanting the very best for a child, even when that means entrusting someone else to provide it,” Basham said. “And it’s a loss, as it involves letting go of the daily connection and the life once imagined.”
Basham said the emotional toll can be lasting and does not follow a predictable path.
“There is no simple ‘getting over it,’” she said. “Healing can come through connection — with other birth moms, through ongoing communication with adoptive families and through spaces where their stories are seen and heard.”
Adoptees also navigate long-term questions about identity and family history. That reality resonates with St. Louis native Willie Moore Jr., who was adopted as an infant and spent years seeking information about his biological family.
Moore, a musician and speaker, said his search accelerated after Missouri changed its laws to give adoptees access to their original birth certificates.
“For the first time in my life, I was able to see my biological mother’s real name,” he said. “That moment changed everything.”
A few months later, Moore connected with his biological brother after posting an online tribute to a close friend who had died.
“Something in me said, ‘This is the moment,’” Moore said. “I messaged him privately and told him the truth: that I was his biological brother.”
Moore said the relationship brought a sense of clarity about his personal history.
“Reconnecting didn’t change who I believed myself to be,” he said. “But it did bring clarity to the gifts and desires that already lived within me.”
He later learned that his biological father, Tony Condra, was a drummer and his biological mother, Katrina Walton, was a singer — information he said helped explain parts of his identity he had long wondered about.
Many adoptees refer to that experience as “origin clarity,” a term adoption professionals use to describe understanding one’s biological background.
“The number of infants placed for adoption has been steadily decreasing in Missouri,” said Melani Engel, director of adoption services for LFCS. “Many parents who place an infant are already parenting one child and facing multiple stressors. We’re here to provide unbiased education and support — whether the parent chooses adoption or chooses to parent.”
State data show that domestic infant adoption remains relatively uncommon. According to the Missouri Department of Social Services, fewer than 1% of all live births result in private infant adoption. In 2023, there were 324 such adoptions statewide, a figure that has held steady in recent years. Analysts say the trend reflects expanded access to family support programs and the growing role of kinship care, in which relatives step in to raise a child.
In St. Louis County and the city of St. Louis, state analysts report similar patterns: private infant adoptions are rare, while kinship care continues to rise. Adoption professionals say the data highlight the need for counseling, crisis support and practical resources for parents considering their options.
LFCS offers free, confidential counseling, education and post-placement support groups for birth parents, including referrals to adoption-competent therapists.
For Moore, reconnecting has been meaningful but complex — a sentiment echoed by many adoptees.
“It’s been beautiful, but it has also required emotional balance,” he said. He noted the importance of navigating relationships with both families. “I have incredible forever parents who loved and supported me my whole life. And welcoming my biological family meant learning their love languages, their history, their ways of communicating.”
Most domestic infant adoptions now involve some level of openness — about 95%, according to the National Council for Adoption — giving birth parents and adoptive families more opportunities to share information. Basham said the shift has helped reduce stigma and foster communication, though she and Engel both say more adoption-competent mental health support is needed.
Moore said reconnection strengthened his sense of identity and helped answer questions he carried for years.
“My identity has always been grounded in Christ,” he said. “Reconnecting didn’t create an identity crisis — it gave me validation.”
He hopes sharing his experience will encourage adoptees and birth parents who are searching for their own histories.
“At the heart of National Adoption Month,” Engel said, “we want birth parents to know they are not alone.”
Moore said adoption remains an important part of his story.
“Adoption has been the greatest blessing of my life,” he said.