“font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;”>I have to confess that I agree with a key part of Steve Harvey’s ill-informed book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. He is right about at least two things: setting personal standards and letting go.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>In the last chapter of his book, Harvey offers advice for single women who are stuck in long engagements and may never get married but could maintain that relationship till death. He says that a woman should confront her man and make him pick a date or else he will happily “play house” and not “make a home” for them.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>This is true for some men. It certainly is for me. I have procrastinated with relationships like I handle landscaping my yard, tending my garden (yep, I got a garden), or remodeling my home (a year-plus project, sadly). I will walk past tall grass, ignore the weeds fighting with my flowers and live in a house that could benefit from the Extreme Home-Makeover: Home Edition crew.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>If I were given an ultimatum as Harvey advises, then I can’t say that it would end with a ring on her finger.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>Some men I know are ready for marriage. One brother in particular was engaged (in his mind) before he even started dating his fiancé. This kind of man will only be satisfied if he has a wife and is raising children, which I guess is the ideal for women who swear by Harvey’s book. Other men take a spiritual approach to marriage and look for signs that God approves of the marriage before making a move.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>Either way, these men WANT to be married, much like I prefer being single. If a woman required these men to set a date, they probably would act without hesitation. They do this because they believe that this is appropriate for them and is aligned with their worldview on marriage.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>I also agree with Harvey that women must be prepared to let men go. If a man cannot comply with his woman’s personal standards, then she should leave him. I’ve been in some ugly situations partly because of the woman’s inability to let go of the relationship. If he’s not fully involved in the relationship, then moving on may be in order.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>The other side of it is how men lead women on and fail to recognize their humanity. Harvey neglects to hold guys accountable for their actions. I know Harvey assumes that only women are reading his book and wants to provide some paternalistic wisdom on how to avoid getting hurt by men. His advice excuses the sexism of men and teaches women how to make the most of a sexist situation. Any guy that operates as Harvey describes is a man in age and species only. He lacks the maturity of adulthood and the concern of a human.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>If I know that a woman wants more than what I am willing to give but I choose not to address it, I have assaulted her personhood by using her. Men like me who are able to get away with that are beneficiaries of male privilege. I exploited women I dated and allowed the fiction of gender roles to excuse my behavior. It was only when I came to terms with my exploitation of women that I began to behave differently and treated women better.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>Visit mkstallings.com or find MK Stallings at twitter.com/afroscribe.
