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Why do people
hate on singlehood? Well,
not all people hate on being single
“font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;”>but there are singlehood haters. They sit with you at the dinner table during the holidays. They sit next to you at church. They’re at the bar with you in the club. Singlehood haters are all over the place; ubiquitous in their judgments and consistent with their focus.
“mso-spacerun: yes;”>
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Sometimes
they are in relationships but mostly they are in your personal
business.
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Names for
singlehood haters may include mom, dad, uncle, aunt, best friend,
radio love songs, movies, romantic self-help books and the list of
aliases goes on.
“mso-spacerun: yes;”>
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Haters
hardly ever come out and say that they don’t like that you are
single. Instead they frame the conversation such that agreement
with their premise opens you up for a discussion about what’s wrong
with you.
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The hater
may open with, “when you are going to meet somebody or start a
family?” This sounds like
an innocent question but to entertain it concedes
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the point
that being single is problematic.
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You might
answer saying, “When the right person comes along.”
“mso-spacerun: yes;”>
cutting a weed at the stem.
“mso-spacerun: yes;”>
investigation for the moment but it doesn’t end it.
“mso-spacerun: yes;”>
then why not give a real response.
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Look the
hating, hateful, hater in his eyes and say, “never,” and flash that
“say something” look as soon as you say it. A response like that
has to be hard as though institutionalized in a prison or from
standing in a long line with a potential line-jumper making a move
ahead of you.
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At issue is
that singlehood haters describe it as though something is
wrong.
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They opine
that it’s a life filled with loneliness and misery where only
meeting the right person can make it worthwhile.
“mso-spacerun: yes;”>
like a rite of passage that a person goes through before reaching
the adulthood of marriage.
To be stuck in singlehood is to be caught between heaven and
hell.
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Don’t
believe it. This isn’t to say that being in a relationship or
married is all hype and no substance. Married people who don’t
cheat and still enjoy spending a majority of their time together
seem ideal. Couples where familial responsibilities are equitably
distributed and it’s a partnership as opposed to a master-servant
relationship are beautiful.
“mso-spacerun: yes;”>
fever are appreciated. However, bliss isn’t always the picture of
marriage just as loneliness is not representative of singlehood.
Yet, that’s what singlehood haters sell.
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I don’t want
to get too deep here but it has something to do with our value
system. Now, my pro-family
folks might disagree but I think we privilege marriage over
singlehood. I’m not just
referring to tax deductions which are usually larger for married
couples or other areas such as discounts on insurance. Beyond
financial advantages, married couples are given invisible benefits
that might facilitate career advancement or, at least, ending the
disapproving tone of singlehood haters.
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I don’t know
if there is a name for the singlehood tax that unattached folks
have to pay so I am going to coin a term: matrimonyism. This is not
to make light of the isms such as racism or sexism but it is a way
to draw attention to a way of life that is disparaged.
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When a
singlehood hater believes that your life is less fulfilling than
those who are involved or married this is matrimonyism.
“mso-spacerun: yes;”>
early ideas about the family and respectability made singlehood a
liability for the aging person.
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Instead of
respecting the single way of life, singlehood haters feel like it’s
their duty make it hard for a person without a partner.
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It’s time
for those who are single by choice to embrace their singlehood and
dismiss haters.
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MK Stallings via twitter.com/afroscribe or friend him on
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