Joyuan Michele Brown For the St. Louis American
Do you ever wonder why one of the first questions some of us ask when we are meeting someone for the first time is, “What do you do?”
To me, when we ask certain questions first, it not only sets off alarms that we may just be interested in a person from a financial standpoint, but also that we are looking for more than just a fun night out. We are looking for a relationship.
What do we really want and why do we sell ourselves short?
First impressions are so important, and a “what do you do?” or even an “I heard you are a…” could mean the end of what could have been something wonderful and new.
If you want to make a less self-serving impression when meeting new people of the opposite sex, as well as give your self the opportunity to shine, make your surroundings your playground.
For example, one evening over the summer, some girl friends and I went to a sports bar just to hang out, have fun and watch baseball. It was a beautiful and rare day for me in that the STL Cardinals and the Boston Red Sox were playing. I’m a Northeasterner living in Cardinal Nation who liked the Red Sox (before Manny left), but I digress…
There was a gentleman sitting alone next to me. After a few minutes, he introduced himself. I shook his hand, introduced myself and simply said, “Pleasure to meet you; so, what team do you like?”
This led to whole a host of conversations, none of which had to do with our jobs. Our friends soon joined in, and we had a great night. No man or women left the bar that evening feeling as though someone got too far into their personal space. As a matter of fact, no phone numbers were even exchanged.
My point is there are so many ways to start a conversation. Again, use your surroundings as a starting point. If you are in the club, make your first move a good move: ask for a dance, not about his/her paycheck, and then talk about music or hobbies you enjoy.
Being an outsider looking in, I know St. Louis is famous for talking about what school you went to or where you grew up! In this town, that alone gets points.
Now if you are walking in the park, start with how beautiful the day is, “do you come here often?” or “have you ever been in a marathon?” Don’t be afraid to let people see your personality. Be creative and in that creativity you draw out their personality as well.
We never want to appear anxiously looking for a relationship or, worse, a meal ticket. So the next time you are out on the St. Louis scene, let’s demonstrate that we are interesting, intelligent and fun to be with!