“Women, remember this, it’s much harder for you to find another good man than it is for a man to find another good woman.” – Steve Harvey
Someone sent me the aforementioned quote via one of the social networks. I don’t remember if it was Facebook or Twitter, but what I can’t forget is how heated I was when I saw it pop up as an update!
I read it so many times I actually instantly committed it to memory.
“So not only do these brothers know that they have the upper hand as we try to keep black love going strong,” I said to myself, “but they are throwing it up in our faces!”
My instinct was to reply with a note that simply said, “Is that a threat?”
I said nothing, in part because in my rage I would have fueled the stereotype that single black females are bitter and angry – in particular because we are single.
But I was shaken by the idea that these little “words of wisdom” were publicly stated and disseminated like they were cute.
And my disdain for Steve Harvey – who gets far too much credit for what he does when he touches upon the subject – has nothing to do with it.
In my opinion he capitalizes on the plight of the single black female. At this point we are so thirsty to make sense of our solitude that plenty take more than a few sips of Harvey’s perspective.
I wasn’t so upset with the quote, because it falls right in line with the type of advice he offers the single black females through his best-selling book Act Like a Lady, Date Like a Man and on the regular on his morning show.
But my issue is not with him. The actor/comedian/radio personality is hustling to build a brand and laughing all the way to the bank.
Opportunists aren’t necessarily in the mindset of healing or helping a population move beyond their circumstances – because that’s the stuff that disappearing cash cows are made of.
My area of concern is that through repeating the quote, a man is speaking truth to disheartening circumstances.
With his status, this man used Steve Harvey’s words as ammunition for grounds to act a fool.
Through these words, the woman’s struggle to maintain a healthy relationship is instantly negated.
By reminding the hardworking, positive, strong black man with a good job and decent credit that he is in high demand, Harvey’s saying may compel men to treat us as if we are disposable.
“Women, remember this, it’s much harder for you to find another good man than it is for a man to find another good woman.”
Does that mean that we have live up to unrealistic standards because the quintessential “good woman” is a dime a dozen?
The whole idea of men brandishing their “good man” stamp as license to offer us less than we deserve – because he knows that the plenitude of single black females in the sea have are already playing the “how low can you go” game with respect to basic dating requirements – is just tragic.
Every time I think of that quote being passed around, I envision it being tossed in the face of woman seeking understanding and a resolution to the trials of her relationship, but his wants and needs trump her feelings and the standard structure of love partnerships as we know them just because the odds are in his favor.
“I can’t believe you cheated on me,” woman says to man. “Remember this…,” man replies with Harvey’s words of “wisdom.”
I think that what bothers me most about the little quote is that when you strip away all of the exterior implications and take it for face value, Harvey is actually right.
But instead of black men taking the truth of the quote as how more of them need to reach back and help the brothers get it together, apparently they are flaunting their endangered species status and exploiting the sea of sisters running each other down to jump into the net casually flung out by a few “good men.”
