Ask the etiquette coach: Sometimes, people are just rude

Honestly, people do sometimes get in a mood that has absolutely nothing to do with you. They get in a huff about another person, event and or occurrence and you are conveniently in the middle if the storm. The dark clouds of their foul temperament inconveniently invade your sunny disposition and then all you end up with is mud.

You, on the other hand, never see it coming. There you are, walking along one day, having a life. And the next thing you know, you’re blindsided by a vulgar, ill-mannered, flash flood of inconsideration by someone who just happens to not have had their morning latte yet. It’s not fair, but then again neither is a snowstorm in April.

So the question is, what do you do? We have all been there or, even worse, have been the perpetrator of the mud slinging.

What do you do? Take the high road? Yeah, right!

Well, yeah, it is right. According to the fundamental definition of manners, manners means to uphold the standards of good moral beliefs.

With that said, let’s break the violating brood down to a level we can all understand. No, it does mean dredging the scum of the pond. It means talking frankly to the person with a clear understanding it won’t happen again. Be polite and direct. Be respectful, yet assertive. Here are some real life situations and courteous solutions.

* You are the next person waiting and there is no distinct line. The cashier asks to help the next person. Someone else unfairly steps forward.

The cashier does not know the difference. Plainly, say to the cashier, “I was the next person in line.” Or say, “I was the next person in line, but he can go ahead of me.” Either way, the perp is outed.

* You are at a four-way stop sign, it’s your turn to go. A driver from the left speeds ahead in front of you with an obscene gesture.

Unfortunately, the car is a weapon and the driver is Jason in disguise. Steer clear and leave him plenty of room for his impending doom. This situation is never personal. You may never see that person again; therefore, be self-assured that you did the right thing.

* It all started because you said something, then she rubbed you the wrong way. It was to get it out. Harsh, but true words were expressed and feelings got hurt.

You had a bad day. Coincidentally, so did she. Recognize that this is not normal for either of you. Being the first to apologize means you are the first to take the high road.

* You are enjoying a night in a restaurant, yet someone is talking loudly on their cell phone.

Address the situation, not the caller. Discretely ask the manager (not the server) to speak to the talker. She cares about the atmosphere of the business.

In the bright clear skies of good moral beliefs, patience, understanding and even ignoring a bad situation are always the best defense for a bad offense.

© 2009 Mannerisms LLC, Madolena Key, www.mannerismsllc.net (636) 398-6267