I was suited and booted to write an informative, albeit superficial, column that focused on the topic of natural vs. processed hair and its impact on the dating scene.
I’m still going to do it, by the way. But I figured since it was Thanksgiving that I should do something with a piece of substance.
Unfortunately, the dating scene as it stands seems to be (in my opinion) superficial at best, so I drew a blank. After plenty of lost z’s and wrangled (and mangled) brain cells, I was at an utter loss.
“Really, being thankful for being single?” I said to myself, about my chosen theme. “You have backed yourself into a corner with a topic that I don’t even think you could buy.”
Nobody’s happy to be single, period, let alone grateful for it on the holidays. It’s prime time for cupcakin’ couple activities that include flaunting your man off to your family and friends or spending a romantic night of … well, I don’t know, because I’ve never officially had a man during the holidays.
But as I thought about it, being single has been a blessing in some respect. I hate to get too deep with it, but it’s the holidays, so raw emotional overload is almost expected – even from a cynic like me.
I thought about how in some ways … all right, in every way … not getting the person that I wanted was the best thing that ever happened to me. Had I been granted my wish of being with the man I wanted desperately, I would have been miserable – and possibly broke down.
The person he wanted to be with – and ultimately married – he treated like crap. Keep in mind this was the woman of his dreams, so what would that have meant for me had he settled for allowing himself to be the object of my affection? I could only imagine.
Now we’ve been in touch over the years, and my obsession for this person has long since subsided and I’m able to recognize his flaws and just how wrong my Mr. Right would have been for me.
Think about it, ladies and gentlemen. How many of y’all have had your heart set on someone, only for them to break it and go on about their business? But, after the fact, you see that their lack of reciprocity was in your own best interest – in the form of deadbeatness, baby mama drama (with somebody else, of course) or complete absence of motivation and/or goals that would have been a burden on your own personal development.
Thank God for rejection.
Then, I’m also grateful for the fact that I don’t need a man just for the sake of having one – which is a multi-generational curse for my mother’s side of the family.
Not to put my family’s business in the street (because it’s already public domain), but they validate themselves by having a mate. Any old mate will do, just as long as you have somebody. And not only that, but whatever successes outside of the relationship realm, if you don’t have a man, they are null and void.
But you can be on the pipe, on the pole – not to say that any of them are – but if you have a man, you’re all good and validated. And regardless of your educational, or professional accomplishments if you are doing it by yourself, it doesn’t count.
These women who have men who are “beat ‘em ups,” “cheat ‘em ups,” crackheads or worse, will flaunt their deadbeat “piece of man” up under the nose of the few of us (meaning me) who will not just be with anybody (i.e. a warm body) just to say that somebody wants them.
I am thankful for having standards and the ability operate against the grain in my singleness.
Think about it. You could be in the midst of headache (I’m talking literal with this one too), heartache, pocket-ache or whatever that comes along with being caught up in dysfunctional relationships.
But in your (black and) singleness, you are choosing not to settle and have the foresight to see beyond having a man or woman for the sake of society or loneliness. As a result, you are protected from love disaster when your guards are down. That in itself deserves a mention as you say grace – even if you decide to do it silently – over your turkey and sweet potato pie.
