My argument with my colleague Kenya Vaughn – who missed my firsthand interpretation of male infidelity, and subsequently made obvious, moot points about how men should be and what women deserve – opens a new can of relationship worms.
But first, one last word: Men should be chivalrous, honest, faithful, loving providers and protectors, and that’s pretty much what women want in their relationship. Some women gave Kenya an “Amen” on that, and I do too.
Yes, Amen on that very obvious observation and wish list.
But I’m about to do something that men must learn to do at the height of an argument with a woman – walk away. I don’t mean, “I have another chick waiting on me, so this is a good time to make my escape” walk away.
I mean, “She obviously has intentionally moved beyond rationale and is purposely trying to piss me off, and Lord knows I’ve never been called this many names before, so let me roll before this gets any worse so I can pull my chin off the ground in the process” worse.
And I’m not talking about Chris Brown worse – I’m talking about before you call her the worse name women say a man can call her (though she has called you every name in and out of the book) as you’re character is assassinated by her tongue-sword.
See, though she called you all kinds of worthless, no-good-for-nothing, punk a%$ n-words, all it takes is for you to call her a name – as a matter of fact (at that point) – any name. Either way, even more hell is subject break loose.
The point here is that once your disparate discussion over an issue turns ugly, resorting to name-calling and other demeaning sentiments, it’s time to end the argument.
Don’t try continuously to over-talk or out-disrespect the other person. And this one goes to women: Don’t vandalize his property, and don’t swing on him.
Women don’t want to be and should never be swung on, but just a man must control his negative emotion and keep his hands to himself so should women. And women should control their three- headed weapon: their tongue, teeth and lips.
We must remember that verbal and emotional abuse are ills too. Bruises to one’s ego, character and manhood aren’t readily visible, but words do hurt. Especially, when those words come from the very person you wish to impress.
Thus, people must agree to cease an argument when it goes bad. They then have a better chance at resisting saying something they really don’t mean or can’t really take back.
Verbal and emotional abuses are dead-end roads that will eventually kill a relationship.
So, as you’re dating, look at the way a person communicates to you, especially during a disagreement. Does that person wait until it’s his or her turn to talk or does he or she talk over you? Does that person get upset easily? And does the person go to far when he or she gets upset?
Those are things to consider, because it isn’t just communication that helps to keep a relationship going strong, it’s positive, constructive communication and learning the art of arguing.
So learn when to stop and argument and agree to disagree respectably. If there is a point that needs to be made that you feel is important to get across, wait until you calm down. That way, you can present your case in a more civil and gentle way and the listener will be more prone to hear you out.
As the saying goes: You can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.
And while two wrongs don’t make a right – neither does one, so check yourself and you might not have to check someone else.