“It may not be the way you think it should be when you go into your overly romanticized ideas in love la la land, but don’t get it twisted. We are in a relationship, and I’m not okay with you seeing other people.”
“Heyyyyyy…” I said to myself, when he pretended to let his guard down and tell me how he really felt about our “relationship.” In all honesty, I premeditated the whole thing. I told him about my work friend that “I could see myself dating” in order to get some clarity about our (extremely) long-distance relationship.
I know, I know…the whole incident could have gone in a whole other direction that would have NOT been pretty. But hey, high risk, high reward … right. Maybe not.
I didn’t know it at the time, but the man I thought I had successfully weaseled into revealing that he wanted me to himself was married TO SOMEBODY ELSE when he uttered the statement that had me on cloud nine for weeks.
It was one of those “you think you know, but you have no idea” moments.
But I had ultimately played myself with the whole set up.
Even after I found out he was married (after he called me for support while going through a messy separation), he was still talking yak about how we were going to end up together and all of that.
“Did you tell your wife this and that’s why y’all are breaking up?” I said sarcastically. My timing was terrible, but I felt like I deserved it. “I didn’t think so,” I blurted out before he got a chance to respond. Check mate, Negro!
Sadly, things between us didn’t end there, but for the sake of my point let’s just pretend like they did.
My point is this – who started this terrible notion of brothers keeping a good, quality single black female on standby as a plan B while they search for the one they really want?
How many of y’all have heard, in so many words, “You are girlfriend material, she’s just something to do.”
For the ladies’ sake, if he has already made it plain that you are in relationship reserve – and they eventually always do – how can you not expect him to continue looking for green grass when he retreats and settles for you? Exactly.
Every single woman I know who has waited and waited and waited for the man they have their heart set on (including me) were so exhausted that they didn’t have it in them to do the work for the relationship once they got into it.
Take my aunt, for example. I’m totally putting her business in the street, but I don’t even think she knows I write for a living, so it’s all good.
Anyway, she was with this man for 20 years, that’s right I said 20 and years. She wanted to be his wife since high school, but he continued to “do his thing.” Nineteen years – and five kids – into the relationship, he decided to make an honest woman out of her. They had the grandest Valentine’s Day wedding I’ve ever seen – especially between two middle-aged people.
Okay, now remember how long I said they were together and how many years into their “relationship” they went before they jumped the broom. Do I have to do the math with regards to how this turned out? I didn’t think so.
There’s a flipside for the fellas to consider with this “single sista savings account” that they set up for a rainy day.
What if you leave this wonderful woman on standby, only to find out that you were better off with your initial hand?
A friend of mine was so thirsty to be happily ever after with this man, only for him to leave her high and dry. He up and married another woman and now has a baby on the way. He decided to have a lunch with my friend for what we could only assume was closure. Oddly, he goes on to confess that he was still in love her – the one he passed over.
She had already moved on, so she just asked him about his new life and his new wife as if they were old friends.
“She’s cool,” he said about the woman he was to spend the rest of his life with (whether they stay married or not, they have a baby coming and that’s ‘til death do you part, for real).
He wanted to talk about how much he had messed up with his love life choices.
“I was thinkin’, ‘Thank you Jesus!’ Who’s to say that if we had worked out, he wouldn’t be sitting across the table telling the same story to some other woman about me!”
I’m by no means telling anybody to settle for less. However, if you have a two 10s, why would you insist on yelling, “Hit me?”
Unfortunately, us ladies keep this trend alive by being notoriously guilty of the flipside of the situation – having a hand that consists of a nine (meaning you) and a two, but deciding to hold out for your big payoff.
