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“font-family: Verdana;”>“What would you do if you were given five minutes with the man or woman of your dreams?”
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>You must know that I’m not asking this for no reason, right?
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Anyway, a conversation about celebrity crushes turned into an extreme flex of bravado and assurance from a male friend of mine.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Vaughn, if I ever met Halle Berry in a hotel or something, it’s going down – and my lady will just have to understand.”
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Really?”
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He didn’t have to tell me what “it’s going down” meant.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I’m thinking it would more than likely end with him “under the rest” (my toddler nephew’s interpretation for “under arrest”), but I was quietly thrilled by his gumption.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I’m going somewhere with this … just hold tight.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I shouted out “Idris Elba!” but conveniently left out that I actually had shared an elevator with him during a trip to New York. Our fateful meeting ended up with me being overwhelmed by his chocolate goodness and just burying my face to one side of the wall.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Celebrities are one thing. What about in real life? Have you ever had a guy (or girl) that you’ve admired from afar forever and just thought if the universe presented you with the opportunity to share his space, you are certain you would end up down the aisle together?
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>In the never-ending sitcom that is my life, I was afforded the opportunity – and it was a ratings flop!
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>There is this beautiful man I’ve been admiring from afar forever. Thanks to the tragically hilarious twists of fate that make up my existence, we were at this speed dating event together at the same time and ended up on an insta-date.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I must offer full disclosure that the ulterior motive of me attending was for Black & Single material – okay, the sole purpose. So, when I saw him, I was glad that I wore a dress that made my muffin top look more like a baguette!
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>So, after getting my arm yanked into attending, this wonderful, intellectual man I’ve earhustled at events we both attended and become enamored of his intellect and ability to engage … is sitting across from me.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>So he sits down and takes my breath away. I had already imagined this encounter, and it ended with us drawing a crowd as we engaged in conversation about the Haitian revolution, the Great Migration and Ethiopia’s successful defense against the Italians’ attempt at colonial rule.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Yes … deep.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>In real life … not so much.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>The five minutes seemed like 36 hours as I scrambled and burned at the shock of not being prepared to flip the switch on my award-worthy chatter game.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“My car got hit by the tornado,” was the best I could come with.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>How do you get to Toussaint L’Overture from that? You don’t.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He smiled and kept eye contact, but I was such a wreck I fell to pieces as I internally scrambled to say something to forge a conversation connection.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I tried this next: “How’s life? I live in my own basement – isn’t that crazy?”
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I was reaching for the stars in an attempt to crawl out of the grave I dug for myself with my mackdown.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I was a social butterfly who got her wing caught in a window fan … on mute, if you will.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>It was so bad that the person who had strategically staged the “date between us” couldn’t hold her peace after eyeballhustling our date from her peripheral.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“What happened?” she asked with a larger-than-life question mark expression plastered across her face.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“The whole reason why I invited him and you was so that you two could connect,” she said. “I thought you two would be perfect for each other. I picked him and you for this so that you can end up together.”
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Does she really know how to dig the knife in.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Girl, it was going wrong at ‘hello,’” I said in my own defense. “I just can’t see what I could have done differently to make him feel me.”
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Be yourself,” she said with a “no-duh” look on her face.
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“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>No duh. Note taken.
