“font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I recently commented that people should put down Steve Harvey and pick up bell hooks. I was wrong for that.
Not because
Harvey’s book Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man is
brilliant, because I think God intended for it to be a paperweight.
I was wrong because I hadn’t read the book. I heard about it from
various women, saw it on Oprah and was advised by an
ex-girlfriend that reading it would help me grow as a mate.
This “Harvey, the
prophet of black love” reaction has prompted some hate from me.
There, I said it. I can admit to my shortcomings.
In the same
spirit of self-examination, I will critique Bro. Harvey’s
bestselling book. I know this may be akin to sacrilege for some,
but books like his perpetuate an ideology of oppression that gives
credence to the “pimps up, hoes down” treatment women experience in
U.S. society.
If I offend any
Harvey fans, please get at me. I would love to get your point of
view on the matter. I believe Harvey is sincere but his premise is
wrong, which leads to bad advice. Any useful insight he manages to
provide is coincidental. My comments address his introduction only,
which gives the faulty premise of his book.
The introduction
boasts, “Everything you need to know about men and relationships is
right here.” I shook my head, muttered something like “foolishness”
and took a drink of white wine.
Three pages in,
he describes the moment when he stopped responding to the inquiries
of women seeking relationship advice with jokes and responded with
“wisdom about men” based primarily on “more than half a century” of
learning “how to be a man.” Secondary sources for his daddy-wit
comes from friends, “all men,” who range from athletes, stars,
ministers to hustlers.
Brother Harvey
couldn’t find one scholar or writer who studies masculinity?
He goes on to say
that men are simple. I couldn’t disagree more. If brothas are
simple, then why do we need 200 pages of Act Like a Lady,
Think Like a Man and a series of books filled with
Harvey’s prophetic truth?
Humans are
complex beings, and black men are no different. When speaking of
brothas in particular, we are shaped by history, contemporary
social issues and even the limiting views of masculinity as offered
by Bro. Harvey. Just sayin’.
The next page I
have flagged is Harvey’s comment about his daughters. He says that
they “will all grow up and reach for the same dream most women do:
the husband.”
That doesn’t sit
right with me. It is strange how “most women” can have the same
dream of giving up their last name and identities to be branded
with the one her husband owns. It’s odd that “most women” want
“some kids” and “a house,” as though the path to “a happy life”
goes through men.
That’s a lot of
power for brothas to have over women. I suppose that is why Harvey
wrote his book: to show women the way to righteous men “so they can
truly get what they’re after.” Hosanna.
Speaking of the
“highest praise,” I attended church on Palm Sunday and heard the
minister say that we need to pray for “women” who tempt men.
Initially, I thought he meant all women, until he added, “on
corners tempting men.” The minister said this to his mostly female
congregation.
I’m sure God know
what is on his heart, but his rhetoric made for an odd moment in
his sermon. For a moment, when the pastor spoke, I thought about
the old stereotype of women as the downfall of men. I wonder if
this stereotype of women will surface in Harvey’s caricature of
men.
“font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;”>MK Stallings also writes for mkstallings.com. Follow him at Twitter.com/afroscribe or friend him on FaceBook.
