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“font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;”>What I thought was to be my first real date since Y2K quickly turned into a “why we can’t date” presentation. And as my like interest broke things down about why we hadn’t dated before and why things never went there, I wasn’t necessarily mad.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I have been liking this guy for ages, and when he called me out of the blue and asked that we get together on Saturday I was so excited that I didn’t even bother to mention that I don’t drink coffee.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I thought, “The least I can do as I finally embark on moving forward with a relationship is seem accommodating.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>We meet up and the sparks – and the time – flew by as we chatted up about the stories of our lives since we saw each other last.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>As he talked about leaving a long-term relationship and a rebound that was all bad, I couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t called me during his dating downtime. I was patting myself on the back in my head for not saying so out loud.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He talked about how things had been going and that he had headed back to the long-term relationship that he left last year.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I was stunned.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>For at least 30 minutes, I was really under the impression that we were on our first date.
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“mso-spacerun: yes;”> to myself – but said nothing.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“What about you?” he asked. “How’s love been treating you?”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“It’s been giving me the silent treatment,” I responded.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He laughed.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“You’re so funny, this is why I love talking with you. I’m glad to see you – even when I’m feeling down, you can make me laugh. But seriously, nobody has even tried to get to know you? I can’t believe nobody has even asked you out.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Nope,” I replied. “I don’t know what it is.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I was thinking to myself, “Why don’t you tell me, since you didn’t bother to try and date me either.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I’m so glad I bit my tongue – because what he would say next would set my soul at ease about the whole non-date and my lack of luck in love.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Part of it could have been a sympathy monologue for my sake, but I’ve decided to take it and run with it – and offer it as a possible answer to the other women who have it together in every other area of their lives but are constantly passed over by men for women much further down on the “got it going on” totem pole.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He said, “To be honest with you, Kenya, when a man who knows that he has work to do – whether it’s his career, his credit, the relationship with his children’s mother or his cash flow – it’s hard for him to step to someone who is together.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He went on to share how his relationship suffered because he and his woman were not equally yolked with respect to savings account and personal equity. He admitted that the just the idea of entering another relationship where he was “the least of these” was intimidating to him.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I never once looked at it that way. It was indeed a light bulb moment. Now it could have been a line, but he was respectful and a gentlemen. What I thought was a chance to explore a relationship with someone I had been secretly into for ages was actually a “consolation” date. He seized the opportunity to offer understanding on why we had never started – let alone never worked out.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Even though it was much appreciated and absolutely for the best, I would have enjoyed the option to decide if I was up for the challenge. Maybe the universe knows better than I do!
