“font-family: Verdana;”>“I would have expected that from any other person but her,” a friend of mine said as we discussed a situation dramady that has unfolded in her personal life.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>These days that quote could mean so many things, but the truth is you’ve already formulated a scenario of my friend’s friend (who is also my friend) getting caught creeping with her man.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>It’s actually not the case, but my friend still felt blindsided – and essentially betrayed all the same.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>This act of alleged indiscretion actually leads me to a series of questions. Bear with me.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Was I living in the twilight zone when I operated under the assumption that there was this unwritten rule among sister circles that any man that you’ve ever met under the premise of romance – let alone dated or married – is off-limits to others within the confines of their friendships?
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>If I was in a state of delusion, can someone break down the appropriate protocol for dating a man who was involved with a friend?
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Has the drought among eligible bachelors turned the single black females into outlaws with respect to rules of engagement in the dating game?
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Of course it has. But even as we opt for drastic means, there are just things that are just considered too taboo amongst us – which finally brings me back to my point.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>So my friend has a guy friend that she’s dated off and on forever. Another of our friends took it upon herself to fling herself (pun intended) into his dating rotation –maybe out of mutual attraction but probably out of desperation.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“We weren’t dating at the time, but we have like 10 years of history,” my friend said. “And she was the one telling me, ‘You need not talk to him’ and ‘you can do so much better’ and all of that.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>It sounded as if it was one of those utterly complicated romantic situations that have grown out of us feeling compromised and on the losing end of our black and single situation. They date, break up and the cycle continues – but their friendship seems unaffected as they go in and out of their recurring relationship series.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Our friend never actually confessed to her, but her actions and a particular Freudian slip put it all out there. Out of sheer gracefulness, there was no confrontation, expose or dramatic explosion of any kind.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“She’s still my friend, but I actually feel sorry for her,” my friend said. “She’s one of so many. You just don’t do that – you don’t play yourself like that.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>In all fairness to our friend, she hasn’t given her side of the story – because she is still operating as if her sideline romance hasn’t ever existed.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Their friendship is for the most part intact – albeit with a new trust issue. But, she still wants to know why. How could the friend she respected as a woman could do something like that?
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“I don’t know if she thought he would put a ring on it,” she said. “But when you hook up like this, they are thinking sex – they are not thinking about a relationship or being obligated to you like a man is to a woman.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Now the guy has confessed that he is ready to be married and be a father, but throughout the course of their history he has informed his on again/off again that he is by no means giving up the … let’s just say variety he currently experiences in his love life.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“She says, ‘I have to be married by this time,’” my friend said as she tried to make sense of the other woman’s action. “So maybe she’s decided to try to get a husband by any means necessary.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>But as far as the man goes, he couldn’t be any LESS interested in marrying this woman. He doesn’t even seem particularly interested in continuing the relations that she considers to be a relationship.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>There was a bright side to the whole messy scenario. It was a wake- up call for the girl in the long-term tango.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“It was the final straw with him,” my friend said. “I thought to myself, ‘You really did it this time. If you were with her then you can’t ever be with me.’”
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