It happened. He had finally called out of the blue to say that he wanted to get together. Secretly, I was ecstatic. After months of not speaking, I presumed that I’d get a bouquet of flowers or a dinner invitation to make up for the lost time.
As I counted the days, then weeks with no further communication from him, I assumed he was being coy. Not to be disappointed, I sent myself some insurance. It was a beautiful Coach bag, and I requested that it arrive gift-wrapped. Even though it was a gift from myself to myself, it was a gift no less. This was my insurance in case he didn’t come through.
After a full month had passed, I realized that he wasn’t calling any time soon and with Coach bag in hand, I did what any girl in my situation would do: I laid on my floor and cried. And I sobbed. And I probably got some ice cream. And as much as I wished that this was a bad romantic comedy scene, sadly it was my existence.
In those days, I resented my singleness because the very thing that I wanted (marriage) eluded my grip. Despite being smart and educated with my own house and my own car, I still couldn’t get the one thing I wanted: a great husband. So, I wallowed in that season until I had an important revelation: Singleness is not a curse. It was a change of perspective, but it was the key to everything.
Seeing my singleness as a gift and blessing and not a curse really lightened my load. There’s a saying that sums it up: “Either God will change your situation or He will change you.” Well, God changed me and allowed me to see my singleness through a new set of eyes. Here’s what I saw.
I saw the gift of relationships. Sure, I didn’t have the romantic relationship that I desired, but I had tons of other fulfilling relationships that I was able to nurture while single. My girls and I planned a “Best Friends Cruise” to the Caribbean, I road-tripped across the country to catch up with college friends, and I spent hours on the phone laughing with friends and loved ones. I didn’t let the one relationship that I lacked negate the other ones that I did possess. Instead, I strengthened all of my relationships and found joy in the company of family and friends.
I saw the gift of time. I realized that being single allows time for things that would be more challenging for married people. For me, that meant spending Saturdays mentoring kids and volunteering to do community outreach. Being single provides more freedom and flexibility to contribute to worthy causes and help those in need. This service may seem like a small thing to you, but it could mean the world to someone else. Offering your time and talents to help others is so valuable, so use this single season to be a blessing to someone else.
I saw “me.” During my single season, I learned more about myself, including my weaknesses and areas for growth. I focused on improving those areas. And, I also capitalized on my strengths. I tapped into things that I loved and I went after them with a passion. I wrote a business plan, travelled internationally, and finished a graduate program. I used the time to understand more about myself, my needs and my dreams. And in the end, I was a better me.
That was five years ago. After I embraced these principles, I experienced exponential growth in my personal, professional and spiritual life. Seeing my singleness through a new set of eyes allowed me to maximize my single season, while waiting on my spouse.
And eventually, that guy called. He blamed “life” on the delay, but when we finally connected, it was serendipitous. We became friends, eventually started a courtship and now we’re happily married. Read our love story on my website. Ultimately, I believe shifting my view on singleness prepared me to be the wife and mother I am today. So, I invite you to see your singleness through a new set of eyes too.
D. S. Coleman is a motivational speaker, freelance writer and blogger at www.thelovejourney.com.
