“font-family: Verdana; font-size: 9pt;”>“I hate to say it, but at this point in your life it’s not about finding the man of your dreams anymore.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Couldn’t that be the most unromantic love advice that anyone has ever given? And so close to Valentine’s Day.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I was in the midst of one of those funks. You know, the point when – despite usually being a good sport while the folks are boo’d up all around you – you get caught in a moment where the frustration of “the lonely monster” supersedes patient and purposeful waiting.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Most of the time people offer stock good weather report catchphrases (pun intended) to sooth the single black females’ soul – and we’ve heard them all. “When the time is right, he’ll show up,” or “wait on God,” and let’s not forget the most confusing of the bunch, “you just have to put yourself out there.” I’ve been hearing that last one for the better part of 20 years and whenever I do, I’m hoping for subtitles to appear across the “wise” person’s forehead.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>But a male friend’s advice was unlike anything I’ve ever heard before and I didn’t quite know how to take it.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Be honest, ladies (and the two gentlemen who aren’t black and single by design). Even though those encouraging nuggets folks “impress upon our heart” have about as much value to us as a Chuck E. Cheese token, we still let them marinate in our hearts and mind with the resolve that if enough people say it, it must be true.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>So then, how am I supposed to feel when someone essentially says, “Girl, get someone you can hold a conversation with – and enjoy each other’s company – and be done with it?”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Me being me, instead of me taking stock in his advice I started agonizingly analyzing what led him to his conclusion.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Is it because I’m too old?” I thought to myself. “I mean, my late thirties are looking me dead in the face and I don’t even have anyone to play Xbox Kinect with besides my nine-year-old nephew?”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I just couldn’t imagine that he would whip those words of wisdom on a spry 22-year-old if they reached out to him for the same reason – yes, that’s right, we are thinking about settling down at 22!
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Am I out of traditional romance options already? That sucks. I thought I at least had until the big 4-0 to bide some time.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Then I thought, “Maybe he’s telling me this because he thinks I should settle” quickly followed by a “why should I be the one to have to settle? I hear all of these beautiful, poetic courtship stories and by patiently waiting, I’ve earned the right to AT LEAST one of those.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I pictured myself surrendering to the idea of just snatching myself up someone that doesn’t irritate me after a few hours of hang time and being done with it.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Something about even the mere simulation of such left me wanting more. Would I always secretly search for an upgrade with my “compatible match” or play the “weigh your options game” when a newer model enters the picture?
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>By the time I was done allowing my imagination to have its way with the play-by-play that I assumed would come by way of his unorthodox matchmaking suggestion (well, at least for the ladies, anyway), I was all but appalled.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I was so worked up – keeping it all inside of course – I almost missed his “that’s what I did,” post-script.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>At that moment, I thought about how utterly “ride or die” he is for his girlfriend – actually, it’s his fiancée – and it all grew out of a simple decision to pursue somebody who he just felt comfortable with. I’m assuming there were no sparks or lightning bolt of love at first sight that kicked off with her giving him those sexy kitty cat paws and come-hither hand motions after their eyes met from across the room.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>But, based on the conversation that immediately preceded his advice, there doesn’t seem to be a “grass is always greener effect” I assumed would linger in this type of relationship foundation either.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>We had just finished talking about a “dime” who’s been dropping polite, but overt, displays of her interest in him. “Man, too bad I’m not single,” he said, “but, oh well.”
