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“font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;”>If a man ever tells you that he chose another woman to marry or to be with because he loved you too much to risk losing you, slap him. If you find yourself believing him, then slap yourself
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>After you are awake, it is your responsibility to free that man from the craziness that apparently has taken hold of his senses, or else he’ll continue the pattern. That’s why you slap him. (I do not advocate violence, so don’t take me literally.)
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>This is all in reference to Kenya Vaughn’s latest Black & Single column.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>“I just felt like if it didn’t work out between me and her, it would be cool,” the married guy said to Kenya’s friend, before adding, “I didn’t want to get my hopes all up for things to go one way with you, because if it didn’t end well I would be heartbroken.”
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>Exchanges like that between Kenya’s friend and the married guy is why pimping still exists. Pimps will continue to exist as long as they have willing participant in their own oppression.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>Kenya “font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>’s friend is clearly under the spell of something that is stronger than the twisted logic of the married guy. It reminds me of the film
“mso-bidi-font-style: normal;”>The Matrix forced to live in a false reality. Perhaps it’s more like games that dog owners play. He throws something, and she fetches.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>Still, some women are complicit in the game of fetch. They’ll continue to play his game until a man tires of the activity and decides to move on. If she fetches everything he throws, then it’s hard to determine if she is a woman or man’s best friend.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>Let’s think this through for a moment. This married guy loved Kenya’s friend so much that he chose to marry another woman because the pain of losing her would have been too heartbreaking. What’s worse, she told Kenya that his words made her feel better.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>Initially, I was like, “Huh?” What bizarre, melodramatic part of the game is that?
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>Then I eased off my judgmental tone, because the married guy’s logic seems so familiar. This sounds like the sloppy work of a serial monogamist, a person who prefers fidelity but is able to dispatch one relationship for another when it suits him or her.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>Unlike a pimp or a player who has multiple partners at once, the serial monogamist is content with being in one relationship. However, they may not marry that person … ever. This is possible because serial monogamists prefer cloudy conditions and blurred lines.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>One woman I dated called me on my confusing behavior by saying that my space wasn’t clear. I remember when she walked into my apartment and she stretched out her arms, palms open, as if she could read the energy in my living room. The only things in there were a couch and a TV, but she felt something.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>She then said, “Someone has been in this space. It’s not clear.” I thought her routine was kooky, but she had a point.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>I was dating women, but was not involved in a serious relationship at that time. I thought dating would prevent hurt feelings. Although I was interested in her, I didn’t think it would last because she was a few years older than me. Had I fully disclosed my doubts about our potential, we might have ended before we started. As result, I told her only part of the truth. This gave me what I wanted and ruined us in the process.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:” lang=”EN-US” xml:lang=”EN-US”>In other words, I lied. The married guy is familiar to me because he seems to be the same way. Men like him don’t shy away from a woman with the total package. Instead, he dates and plays game with her until he meets someone else who better suits him. Someone who has no problems fetching every line he throws.
