I actually need about 1,300 words to truly break down Bill Beene’s “hunter theory” as it applies to dating. But because I am on a tight count with this column I’m gonna go ahead and go with five …
What a load of crap!
He’s been peddling that around the newsroom for the past five years and 100 percent of the female staff – and most of the male staff, for that matter – is not buying it.
Now, while I totally concur with Bill on the “don’t cheat on a vendetta” type of tip, that other “nature” mess is purely that … mess.
What if we used “nature” as an excuse in our everyday lives for doing what we want to do instead of what we should do – at work, for instance?
Say you never, ever responded to your boss’ needs in a timely fashion and responded with, “What? I am (by nature) a procrastinator, so I have the genetic predisposition of getting you what you need at my convenience. You should know this by now.”
Or say you were chronically absent and called in to say, “I won’t be in today, because I’m naturally supposed to be free from the confines of a 9 to 5 hustle. You know we didn’t have to punch clocks in Africa.”
But this is black and single – not black and unemployed – so I will put his theory to the test as it applies to the personal life.
And my sideline status is a completely unique situation, by the way. Just thought I would throw that in there.
Okay, just like men are natural born hunters, women – even the completely non-maternal type like me – are natural born nurturers.
So, if we use Bill’s advice of “go with the flow of how we are made,” then every man would have an emotional ball-and-chain, forever (or as Outkast said “for-eva-eva”).
Regardless of the fact that they have long since parted ways and he possibly has a restraining order against you – hey, if it feels right (and natural) to hold on, then why let go?
Right, Bill?
Wrong.
We have to learn to move on, just like men have to learn to move past that sudden urge to roam in other people’s pastures.
And for the woman he is advising to forgive and possibly forget, what if cheating as retribution feels like the right thing to do? Exactly.
This is when you are supposed to go against what feels natural and sacrifice the desire to get some getback.
I guess the man is not supposed to do the same thing when he still is in the decision making process regarding entertaining the notion of whether or not to cheat on you. He can’t help it.
I’m all for forgiveness, but it sounds to me like Bill is making excuses – for himself or the male population who are looking for an opportunity to blame someone other than themselves for their behavior.
I’m not a man, so I can’t speak on them as far as why they continue to cheat.
As far as his examples go, Eric Benet is a documented sex addict and Bill Clinton’s crime was more broken trust than it was anything else – for his wife and the country.
And it’s probably the same with all repeat offenders with respect to being unfaithful. The lies and the covert operations and having to find out about what’s going on the hard way is what hurts women the most.
Bottom line, relationships – like life – are about sacrifice and commitment. You have to be willing to put in the work to make it work. You have to be willing to do what you don’t want to do (like refrain from random sexcapades) to get where you want to be (a happy, honest and healthy relationship).
But if a man feels like he can’t control “nature,” then I say be up front about it out of the gate, in the early phase of the relationship, instead of saying, “Oops I did it again, but don’t be mad because I can’t help it.”