Okay, so remember my friend who had her friend sneak and marry somebody behind her back?
Well, there is an update to that. I made her do some Black & Single investigative reporting on my behalf to find out why he did what he did.
What? He was already harassing her to meet him for lunch so that he can finally explain himself. I merely recommended she consider it and hold him accountable for an explanation from his perspective about this phenomenon – which seems to be a recurring theme in her life.
She agreed … and here’s how it went down.
They meet, and he immediately lays it on with how beautiful she looks and what a kind and wonderful person she is for agreeing to meet him.
He reminds her that everything is not as cut-and-dried as most people make it out to be with relationships, then proceeds to grovel with apologies and empty compliments.
“I always felt at peace when we got together,” he tells her. “It was like you and me were the size of the world.”
She lets him finish … I was happy, because this is not one of her strong points.
“I’m sorry and I value you as a person and us as friends, and I really hope that we don’t have to lose us because of my situation,” he says.
There is an awkward silence. She says it’s because of the body language she puts forth when he describes his MARRIAGE as a SITUATION.
When he hangs his head, she raises hers and in the most non-judgmental way she had left in her, she takes control of the conversation.
At first she sat there trying to understand how he can be sitting there talking about how important she is to him, yet he probably had to lie to his wife to steal the moment they are currently sharing. But she moved beyond that particular moment with her eyes on the prize.
“Can I ask you something?” she said. “I’m not judging, and I’m not inquiring with any type of expectation.”
“Go ‘head,” he replied.
“Why do you feel the need to be here telling me this, but you married somebody else?” she asked.
His response was shocking, and it went against all of the natural expectations for love relationships and – the ultimate destination for the aforementioned two – marriage.
“I just felt like if it didn’t work out between me and her, it would be cool,” he said. “And I didn’t want to get my hopes all up for things to go one way with you, because if it didn’t end well I would be heartbroken.”
I was unabashedly thrown in the game by what he confessed about his decision to pass her over.
Now please know, I understand that running game comes with the territory for married men who set up lunches to profess their love to someone other than their wives.
But what if we were to consider that he was – for once – actually being honest about his feelings?
Does this happen? Are guys so committed to the fantasy of a perfect woman that they don’t want to kill it with reality?
And how is it that you can be faithful to the idea, but can take or leave the actuality?
Surprisingly, she took the answer and ran with it. She actually seemed even to feel better about the situation based on his response.
Me … not so much. I was quietly dismayed by the whole thing. I would have been crushed by the prospect of being passed over because I’m “too good to be true.”
So, should we work towards the goal of presenting a package that doesn’t break the curve to be on the safe side?
Do we hold back on all that is good about us to keep men from putting us in an unattainable category?
Who am I kidding? He was probably lying anyway.
Winning at Love
This weekend, author and life coach Jo Lena Johnson along with Chief Steven Martin are hosting an event for those in relationships to work it out just in time for Valentine’s Day. On Friday, Feb. 4 at 6 p.m. the two are planning to present “Strategic Planning for Love & War: Conquer & Compromise with Your Mate” at Yacovelli’s, 407 Dunn Rd. For more information, visit www.jolenajohnson.com/calendar.
