“God has given me everything I’ve ever wanted … except this …”
Her voiced cracked as she fought back emotions.
“I’m 40 years old, and girls I went college with now have children in college,” said a woman I’ll call Nicole.
“Here I’ve been trying to go about things the right way, and I feel like my window is nailed shut on any chances of being a wife and a mother.”
Over the years, she’s looked to her parents’ now 45-year marriage as the shining example she wanted to follow in her own life.
“First comes love, then comes marriage … then comes Mommy with a baby carriage.”
Sounds easy enough, right? Not so much these days – especially for the single black females.
She swears that she hasn’t been especially picky.
“I’ve had standards over the years, but who doesn’t when it comes to dating – let alone a husband,” Nicole said. “But in all honesty, it’s never even gotten close to the point of marriage in the 20 years I’ve been dating as a grown woman – not even once.”
She’s prayed. She’s fasted. She’s dated – to no avail. She was even celibate for four years.
You might think it’s Nicole’s busy work schedule as a corporate professional that has hindered her from a husband and family. She admits to being driven with respect to her career, but swears it’s by default that she has poured herself into her work.
“If I had to choose between a career and a family, I would walk away from this job in a heartbeat,” she said.
“Actually the stress, the pace and long hours keep my mind off of knowing that I’m going home alone. I’m the only one of my siblings who is still single without children. Nobody even asks when or why anymore – and I’m so tired of having to settle for nurturing my nieces and nephews.”
There’s a special kind of sadness that comes with her feeling like her family has conceded to the idea that she’s eternally single – especially when she’s total catch.
“I really feel like I’d be a good wife – and I’ve worked hard to prepare myself for the role,” she said.
“It breaks my heart to say this, but I’ve been facing with the idea that it may never happen for me. I just can’t see how this makes any sense in the universe – especially since I’ve been so blessed with everything else.”
Sad and lonely single lady number 2 – whom we’ll call Sheila – factors in her lack of spouse when she speaks about her professional struggles.
After three years Sheila’s small business is on the brink of folding. She can barely keep her head above water with the household bills and the overhead of company expenses.
“It’s at times like this that all I can think about is how things would be if I had a partner in life,” she said. “At bare minimum, my ends would automatically meet. I think about all of the things that we could and would accomplish as equally yoked helpmeets for each other.”
She admitted that she had been waiting to get married before she started her business so she could have that safety net of a guaranteed household income.
Ten years would come and go before she said “now or never” on pursuing her professional goal.
“I just saw my life going so differently,” Sheila said. “I know me having a husband should be the last thing on my mind as I pray my payroll checks don’t bounce. It’s hard to not feel a certain type of way when you know you would at least have someone rooting for you when times get rough.”
In this age of the independent woman, these ladies share an overwhelming desire to be anything but. Their turmoil is a poorly kept secret shared among single black females.
“Why would God put it on my heart to want a husband and family and not send me a husband?” Nicole asked. “While I know I’ve had all kinds of favor in my life, it’s something I’ve wrestled with every single day of my single life.”
