Let me give you the facts. I am a male whose grandparents (both sides) were married until death. My parents have been married for 35 years, and my sister is also happily married. I’m painting a picture of about as solid as a relationship foundation as any black male that I know. On the other hand, my girlfriend has never met her real father. She did grow up with a stepfather but that relationship didn’t go that well.
But my question really is …
What can I expect from dating a female with this type of background? What should I do to minimize her insecurities? How can I expect her to react to me once feelings get stronger? Please, help a brother out!
Brian K.
Brian,
Naturally I don’t know your relationship history as a couple nor as individuals, so what I can say is awfully limited. I generally do not coach my clients on their partners because unless the partner is present it is pure speculation. We can create the best dating blueprint ever; however, it can become completely useless if it was created based on a wrong assumption regarding the partner.
Thus, I can only tell you to assess, more importantly than the very good questions you ask, where she is in this process of healing, security, trust, faith, hope and commitment. You appear to be a protector (personality type) and would do anything to keep and have her feel safe and secure with you. However, it is not your responsibility. Not yet.
Her background definitely does not make her “damaged goods,” but certainly an individual who may have baggage that can impede her relationship journey and success.
All you can do is evaluate how much luggage she is carrying and how willing she is (independently of you) to leave all that baggage at the terminal and board Air Brian. Tell her Air Brian has a two-bag carry-on limit. If she is unable or unwilling to depart with the additional bags, then you are better suited for a friendship.
Be blessed, live free and love more.
Latricia
www.latriciabuckner.com