“Kenya, are you signing up for OKCupid.com with me or not?”
“Not,” I said with authority. “I never said that I was doing that with you. You decided – and I quickly decided against it.”
“Whatever, tramp,” she said in reply.
“If I were a tramp, I wouldn’t need OKCupid, would I? Besides, you really wouldn’t want me as online dating competition. How about this … you do it, tell me about it and I’ll write about it – as usual.”
I am not against online dating – I just feel like I should explore the real-life dating terrain before I go adding a virtual component.
Anyway, she agreed (allowing me to chronicle her experience), and it was on and cracking – but not exactly how she expected it to go down.
“Girl, do any black men do the online dating thing?” she asked. “I’ve had four Indians and two Asians in three days, but the brothers are M.I.A.”
“Does that boy who started Facebook get food stamps?” I reply.
“What is that supposed to mean?” she snapped back. “So am I the welfare?”
“No …,” I said. “I’m just saying, it’s like 11 to 1 out there and they don’t … it’s like … never mind.”
In less than a week, she has two dates. She actually found one black man (out of nine follow ups), and he was the first one at bat.
“His profile said 5’8”, but even in my wedges I was looking at the top of his head,” she said. “And I’m 5’2”.”
Everything else about him was authentic enough. And she got over her “height thing” more swiftly than she imagined. But the date was boring.com!
“I haven’t worked so hard to keep a casual conversation flowing since I slipped up and got smart with a traffic cop,” she said.
That was that.
Up next was an Indian/Italian hybrid with a ferocious beard. He had a nice smile and was only two inches below his profile height claims.
The pre-date phone conversation was cute enough. He was “enamored by her chocolate skin” and wanted to see if she was as beautiful as her picture suggests. But in real life, he came extremely close to sweeping her off of her feet with the first impression.
“He was nervous, and it was really cute,” she said. “And he was funny. It was so different than I thought it would be. I thought our cultural barrier would have been an issue, but it was so easy.”
Who uses the term “cultural barrier” when describing a date?
But anyway, three dates in and everything was easy breezy – that is, until it came time to discuss careers.
He dodged “the question” for two weeks – almost until my friend had caught feelings.
“So, what do you do?”
Simple enough, right? But the answer was surprisingly complicated.
“Well … you know? I have a lot of irons in the fire right now.”
That was take one.
“I’m in a place of new beginnings.”
That was take two.
On the third date, he was worn down by my friend – who by now could get a sideline hustle as a homicide interrogation specialist.
She never got his background, but at this moment he’s a broadcast personality for an AM station with aspirations of becoming an actor. He’s 38 years old and quite possibly lives at home.
The novelty of the idea of internet love has worn off, but she doesn’t feel hopeless.
Her opinion (not mine) is that if you are going to delve into the online dating pool, be mindful that you are picking from a pile of misfit toys.
“If a man is decent looking with a remotely promising career and is for the most part normal, then he wouldn’t be online dating in the first place,” she said. “What you do when you meet in real life is decide whatever issue they bring to the table is worth overlooking.”
She’s still logging on though, FYI.
So if this is her take on the men who log on to hook up, I would love for an online dating male to offer his take on the ladies.
Feel free to reach out and let me know your experiences, brothers! That’s kvaughn@stlamerican.com.
