I give up.
My in-denial colleague, Kenya Vaughn, a sideline woman who serves as a prime example of the fact that most men like a variety of women (at the same time), called my explanation of why men cheat “a load of crap.”
I can understand her frustration and the many women out there who know that most men cheat. I can also understand why she calls my reasons that men cheat “excuses.”
A couple of other female colleagues of mine narrowed it down to men being greedy and selfish. And that’s the way a woman who is angry, fed up, frustrated and blind to the truth about male infidelity or “playership” might characterize it.
I understand that.
But truth be told, there are reasons (not just excuses) why men cheat and they aren’t selfishness and greed.
I still say, it’s a debased form of polygamy, once practiced in ancient Africa and still in some cultures today. We now live in a monogamy-paved society and men try to be monogamous, but we see and hear that many men fall short.
But hey, maybe we won’t agree on the reasons why, but one thing we do agreed on is: most men do cheat.
And can we agree that men are more sexual creatures than women by nature? After all, men are the purveyors of porn, prostitution and stripclubs. Gee, I wonder why? Yeah, why is it that women can sell sex to men for thousands of dollars? And why is it that that a man doesn’t even have to know the woman’s name or anything else about her to get it on?
Those are rhetorical question as I rest my case about the nature of men and, as a man, refuse to continue debating a woman about the nature of males – for now, at least.
Instead, I turn to another subject, albeit somewhat connected to men and their animalistic desire for women. And that’s respect for the next man’s woman.
See, in some ancient African cultures, men would compete for women and their wealth was measured by the number of wives they had. Of course, now it’s different: the wealthiest men usually have the most beautiful wives.
Today, men still compete for women, but now looks, fame and wealth help to determine which men will be blessed with which women.
But as men compete today for women, we must be respectful!
Just because you’re hanging out with your boys doesn’t mean you have to disrespect another man with a phyne sister on his arm. That also isn’t an excuse to holla out disrespectful advances at a woman rolling solo.
Back to propriety of men on the dating scene. When you’re in a club or social venue, and a brother is chilling with an attractive woman, don’t stare at the woman. You wouldn’t want someone to keep staring at your woman.
Strangers aren’t the only ones who need this advice. I once had a very tall, dark and nice looking friend who always posed as if he was a model whenever one of his friends’ lady-friends was around.
Brothers, when your boy has a nice-looking woman around, it isn’t an opportunity for you to go strutting around, trying to catch her eye. Needless to say, that brother and I aren’t friends anymore.
It’s a sign of disrespect. Though I am an “eye for an eye” type, I decided to let our friendship fade instead of just doing the same for him.
Now, there’s a very delicate area that we must touch on. What if a lady is with a man, but keeps looking at you? The first thing I would do is to ignore her. Chances are if she’ll do it to him, she’ll do it to you.
But let’s say it’s a first date and she really doesn’t know the guy and you just caught her eye. There really isn’t a good way to handle this, but whatever you do, don’t sit there and stare at her – disrespecting brother man.
If she wants you that bad, she will make her way over to you. Like I said, there really isn’t a good way. Once he leaves her presence, you can introduce yourself and check their status. Believe me, she will let you know.
But you also have to know if you’re willing to have a confrontation with the guy – should he return while you’re trying to be slick. Again, there’s no good way to deal with that.
That’s why I say: just be respectful and treat others the way you want to be treated.
And another thing: brothers, don’t stare at other women when you’re with a woman. Same goes for y’all sisters. Be fine with a glance.
You don’t have to eyeball every good-looking person you see – that is, if you’re willing to practice good dating manners and self-control.
And something tells me – it’s a little harder for men.