This time last week I was anxiously awaiting my turn at bat for black and single. And believe it or not, it wasn’t because I was eager to take a swing at Bill Beene for his opinions and perspectives on dating.
I actually thought that I would be spreading the good news of a blossoming e-relationship that I had cranked up via Facebook.
It wasn’t like I was lurking for love on the web or anything like that. I had already run into the person from time to time and thought he was (so) cute, funny and smart. I looked him up, and the rest was history.
For the first time EVER, I took some initiative and let somebody know that I was interested in him. I considered my efforts a success, based on that fact alone – anything else that happened was the icing on the cake.
It started out GREAT. We chatted, we left messages and all of that jazz. It was like an African-American adaptation of You’ve Got Mail (don’t act like I’m the only black person to have watched and fallen in love with this film), except we had already seen each other.
When I say that I was ready to take it to the next level (meaning real-life) … please believe it. And I was also looking forward to, with anonymity on his part of course, sharing my black and single success story.
What a difference a week can make!
Just as quickly as it got crackin’, my Facebook friend (annunciated in that way that us ladies use that translates into “almost a boyfriend”) completely left me hangin’ as we were transitioning towards an upgrade to face-to-face interaction.
I’m still clueless as to why.
He didn’t even send me a “baby, this just isn’t working out” or “let’s just keep it online” message in my inbox. He just logged off, and that was that.
I can’t speak for every woman, but I must say that is the worst thing you can do to me. Why not just explain why you don’t feel compelled to continue so I can “Control, Alt Delete” (i.e. start again), armed with constructive criticism for the next situation?
Women love and appreciate closure, but it seems to be more of a luxury than a common courtesy these days.
The “he’s just not that into you” pill is a lot tougher to swallow when you don’t know why. Can I get an “Amen”?
Now I’m thinking about renaming this column “black and terminally single” whenever it’s my turn to drop a line on the subject.
After getting e-dumped last week, I am in desperate need of clarity with respect to the whole process of dating (on the internet and in general)– and seriously considering disconnecting my DSL service at the house.
Dialogues about dating
Luckily for me, it must be dating season – or at least season to learn about dating. Two major forums/events on the subject are taking place over the next couple of weeks.
The City Forum is holding their second conversation on the topic of Black Love with Rules of The Game at Nubia Café next weekend.
“We keep complaining and we are talking about the marriage rate among young blacks – black women in particular,” said Jami Dolby, moderator of the event.
“We want to just have an open dialogue, and hopefully we can teach people how to play the game right.”
According to Dolby, The City Forum founder Kwame Ofori has a group of scenarios set up for guests to discuss and figure out which rules apply.
“We don’t want it to be a St. Louis men-bashing event,” Dolby said. “Let’s have an intelligent open dialogue about dating 2009 and in St. Louis.”
Considering that my wound is still tender, it will be hard for me, but if I go I will try to be compliant with respect to positivity.
Tomorrow night (Friday, May 29), Better Family Life is taking it a step further. With Singles Meeting Singles: How to Have a Healthy Relationship at Heman Park, they are enticing those of us looking for love with a one-stop with respect to learning how to dating, the prospect of meeting, greeting and even speed dating under one roof at the same time.
Who knows, I might get some use out of the “date dress” I bought after all. We shall see.
On Saturday, June 6, 7:30 p.m., The City Forum (TCiF), SuiteSTL.com, and BFreePaparrazi.com will present: The Rules of the Game (moderated by Jami B. and Tim Slater) A Town Hall Forum to DECIDE the Rules of Dating/Relationships/Pick-up Scenarios in St. Louis. The event will take place at Nubia Café Street: 5860 Delmar Blvd. For more information visit http://TheCityForum.blogspot.com
Better Family Life’s Singles Meeting Singles: How to Have a Healthy Relationship will take place tomorrow (Friday, May 29) at 7 p.m. at Heman Park Community Center, 975 Pennsylvania in U. City. For more information, call (314) 454- 0622 or visit www.betterfamilylife.org.