“font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; line-height: 14px;”>I am a recovering sexist. I am the guy in a conversation that seems unusually attuned to women’s social issues in a way that doesn’t square with my gender. I am the guy who might defend the principles of feminism by citing some bell hooks.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>I am also the guy who might say some gender-insensitive things that debase women. I’m not perfect, I am in recovery.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>Years of male supremacy and patriarchal affirmations have taken a toll on my view of the world and the place of women in it. It was through self-examination and listening as women called me all kinds of degrading things that enabled me to evolve. Whether formally educated or revolutionary brothas, we’re all affected by ideals of manhood that privilege men over women.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>Unexpectedly, I got into a conversation with a sister about male-female relationships. A beautiful woman with an Angela Davis ‘fro, she voiced a complaint about educated men who don’t like dating independent, educated black women.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>“The problem with independent women is that they won’t let a man be a man,” the swagga-delic but privately insecure brotha might say.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>In Black Looks, bell hooks has a chapter called “Reconstructing Black Masculinity” where she talks about manhood and how we, as a black community, define it. She references how black men like Frederick Douglass defined manhood as being able to do what white men do.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>Certainly, Douglass was for women’s suffrage but was he for women’s social equality? Was he for women earning as much or more than men? How about being as educated or better educated than men?
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“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>I recently saw an ABC Sunday Evening News report that Yale University is facing a Title IX discrimination class action law suit alleging that the Ivy League school failed to adequately punish the sexist behavior of its male students, which resulted in a hostile environment for women. The report cited as an example a list circulated among male students at Yale that rate women based on how many beers a guy needs to imbibe before he would sleep with any of them.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>I don’t recall seeing a black man in the report, yet this conversation seems familiar to me. Whether in a club or university, debasing womanhood is an equal-opportunity activity.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>Given the indignities that women confront with sexism or abuse, an independent woman should NOT let a man be a man. That type of man puts the problems of his inadequacies and insecurities on the success of independent, black women. Black women should not have to choose between the social inequality of having (following) some unaccountable brother or being alone.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>To the Angela Davis ‘fro sista looking for an educated black man, I suggest finding one who took (and earned a good grade in) a women’s study course while progressing toward his degree. Yeah, I know that he may not be out there.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>Like me, he may not have enrolled in a class, but bell hooks’ work is available for purchase or in libraries. Let’s make reading her work and others a group activity. Instead of taking comedian Steve Harvey’s book seriously, check-out Mark Anthony Neal, Tricia Rose, Joan Morgan and Kevin Powell.
“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>The problem isn’t on women to resolve. A brotha who cannot enjoy the company of a beautiful woman, but instead sees a mirror of his inadequacies when looking at her, has the problem. Men shouldn’t try to be the ideal man as defined by this sexist, patriarchal society. To borrow from hooks, we should “reconstruct” our ideal about manhood and recognize that it can take more forms than one.
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“font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Verdana;”>You can follow the work of MK Stallings at Twitter.com/afroscibe, Facebook or mkstallings.com.
