“Though I try to resist, being last on your list … but no other man’s gonna do …”
When she sang her heart out on that line in “Saving All My Love For You,” the late, great Whitney Houston was referring to her love for a man who belonged to another woman. The line could also apply to a situation that’s equally frustrating, even if it isn’t morally wrong.
“I mean, if he were a ‘playa, playa,’ I feel like I could at least compete – and possibly win,” a friend said as she discussed the descent of her new relationship.
“But what am I supposed to do with this man who doesn’t make time for me because he’s always on the grind? He does just enough to keep me hanging on, and his valid excuses make me torn about letting him go.”
Some months ago she spoke of the love at first sight experience when their paths crossed at a professional conference. He lives out of town, but regularly visits the city for work.
What started out as him coming to town and whisking her away for romantic “staycations” has morphed into him stopping by and getting his physical needs met then leaving her completely hanging emotionally.
“Girl, ‘Let me call you right back’ has become the extent of our phone conversations,” she said. “And he says he’s too swamped with growing his business and making connections when he’s in town to devote to growing our relationship.”
She feels like it would be selfish and financially irresponsible to ask him to scale back his hustle. He also has children he’s very involved with. That’s a good thing, but it leaves her on the very back burner.
“I’m busy with my career too – and I’m a mother on top of that,” she says. “Yet I block out my precious time for the two of us only to get a call 30 minutes beforehand to say that a meeting is running long and he won’t be able to make our date.”
She’s really into him and loves so many of his qualities. He’s already told her that he loves her and she would make a perfect partner for him. His plea is that if she can tough it out until he reaches his professional goals that things will be much different for them later.
“Part of me feels that he takes advantage of his situation to keep from truly engaging in our relationship – and that sucks,” she confessed. “Plus, if his business blows up, how is he going to have time for us when he doesn’t have time as it is?”
Good question.
It sounds like he has no balance in his life – and his M.O. is to do the bare minimum in his love life because he is constantly given a pass for catering to his business and his family.
She’s already sent him a four-page text in an attempt to end it because he cuts off her phone conversations due to demands on his time. He begged her to reconsider, so she did. Now she has reduced herself to being the lowest common denominator for the sake of seeing things through.
I don’t see how this can end well.
How can you save your love for somebody who doesn’t view you as worth spending time with? I mean, relationships are a lot like businesses in the sense that they can only grow if you feed them … right?
“He says he loves me,” she says, “but I would hate to see what happened if he stopped caring, if this is what his ‘love’ feels like.”
