“font-family: Verdana; font-size: 9pt;”>Something utterly odd happened to me as I was out this past weekend. A woman I know comes up to me and says she’s been reading my column and wanted my advice on her love(less) life.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“If you’ve really been reading my column, why in the you-know-what would you want my advice?” I said.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“I’m serious, girl. I know you talk to all kinds of people about this kind of thing, and I need to know what I can do to find someone – or even just meet somebody.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>This woman is utterly gorgeous and a power player in St. Louis. But as she nears 40 she is ready to check that last (but usually, to us, most important) box on the happy life list.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Well, girl, you know it’s the Year of the Dragon,” I told her.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“What does that have to do with anything?” another lady who had been earhustling at the table where we were sitting couldn’t resist the urge to chime in.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Quite honestly, at the time I didn’t really know. But it seemed like the perfect way to encourage her to be bold and willing to approach a man she finds interesting or with whom she experiences some sign of mutual attraction.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“What I’m saying is if you want to be with someone, look for someone to be with – and don’t be afraid to put it out there first.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>At this point I was talking to both ladies.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“I don’t think it’s a woman’s place,” the woman who I wasn’t talking to in the first place said. “If a man wants to get to know you, he will let you know – no matter what his personality or hang ups are. When we step outside of our place by making the first move, it upsets the natural order of things. That’s just not how it’s supposed to be. A man needs to like you more than you like him, or else you will have a problem.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>It was so funny that the earhustler said what she did, because it has been my dating philosophy for the past 35 years. That being said, I haven’t been on a date in about that long.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“I feel that way too,” said the woman I was actually conversing with. “I just feel like the man should be the one to come up to me.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“And how has that been working for you?” I said. “Now don’t be mad, but you wouldn’t be so stumped you’re coming to me if your policy was effective … right?”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>The lightweight Desperately Seeking Susan still wasn’t convinced.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>But I went on to remind her that her professional station and her looks might be intimidating to men – and many may assume that she is already taken.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Well, if he is intimidated, then that is insecurity – which will be a problem later on down the line,” earhustler said. “An insecure man is so unattractive – and I don’t have time to deal with anybody’s self-esteem issues.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“That’s fine,” I reply. “But, she is coming to me saying that what she is doing now is NOT working. All I’m doing is suggesting that she try something else. Plus, not everybody who is shy has crippling self-esteem or sabotaging insecurities.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Honestly, I have NEVER approached a man myself. But I figured, “What could it hurt?”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Actually, my new way of thinking came by way of reflection on a random chance encounter. There was this boy I just utterly loved in Ms. O’s kindergarten class at Baden Elementary school. I saw him two years ago and he told me, “You look exactly the same. I always thought you were so cute.” He’s married now.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>As the resident chubby girl in the class I didn’t think he would like me back so I never said anything.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>So with that said, the lady and I made a pact that we would approach at least one man we find interesting in 2012. I’m challenging other women readers to do the same and let me know how it works for you. Hit me up at:
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I’ll write about my experiences myself – once I actually work up the nerve to act on my own advice.
