“I really like him, I really do. But whenever I try to bring up the nature of our relationship he is as vague as all get out.”
He doesn’t even use the standard “I like spending time with you, but I’m keeping my options open” glossary of terms.
This man is so ambiguous that he doesn’t even introduce her as his friend out of fear that someone might take the annunciation out of context and it be mistaken for that drawn out “friieeennnnnnnnddddd” that implies one is referring to a significant other.
They’ve been seeing each other for just over 11 months. They are not anything close to common law, but they’ve been doing couple stuff long enough for her to have the right to hem him up for a clear definition of their relationship status.
I was like, “Girl, if you have to ask the answer is ‘there is no relationship.’”
But that was until I hung out with them a few times.
He’s a perfect gentleman; they are fantastic together as far as conversation compatibility. It’s just feels like such a natural fit. He even gets along marvelously with her teenage son. And I hate to say it, but he has been running some serious interference lately.
They are one of those couples where when you’re with them you can’t help but think, “I hope I can find somebody that I gel with like that.”
The only thing is that they are not technically a couple, because he refuses to make it plain.
Like her, I have bought into the idea of their cuteness and compatibility, I decide that I’m going to run an assist (some might call interference) on quietly getting him to claim her – or at least get to the root of why he won’t.
Is it any of my business? Of course not, but they are so cute together. And I also know him separate from her, so it’s not like I’m just hemming up a stranger danger and saying, “Look, you and my friend go together … whether you like it or not!”
The opportunity presented itself at a networking event. She was making her rounds and he called me over to say hello.
I couldn’t waste it on casual small talk.
“So y’all are still hanging out, I see,” I say. “You guys are so cute together. Are you officially a couple? Is it serious, or what? No pressure … inquiring minds want to know.”
When I tell you he flipped the script so cold that it quietly made me understand how she’s been able to hang on in this boo-thang purgatory for almost a year.
“Why don’t you ask her and then tell me so I can know,” he said with a big grin. “Go on over there and ask her.” I couldn’t tell him the truth – which is that I was trying to do her a solid. But honestly, I’m sure he already knew.
I attempted a reverse Jedi mind trick.
“I’ve been friends with you as long as I have with her – actually longer,” I respond. “This is a part of our life update.”
As much as I thought I was ready, I had no idea. He dodged that question and shifted the conversation like a Fortune 500 public relations professional in the throes of a media crisis.
“Are you seeing anybody? How come nobody has snatched you up yet? I have a homeboy who I can hook you up with if you’re down for blind dates.”
I knew what he was doing, but he was so smooth and charming with it that I couldn’t be the least bit mad.
I just had to ease out of it.
“So you see what I mean,” she said when I offered a recap a day or so later.
I did. Even though he provided no clarity, he gave the assumption that if she said they were a couple he would roll with it – which even gave me hope that there’s something serious there even if he won’t explicitly state it.
“I don’t understand why he won’t just be her boyfriend and be done with it,” she said. “Or at least say why he won’t. Instead I get those lousy ‘go with the flow’ answers.”
I told her that regardless of how good they are together, she doesn’t need to be bothered with the why.
The “not” is the operative element.
And as long as he is not being clear, they are not in the type of relationship she is looking for.
And if she’s not willing to take it for what it is – and he’s not willing to talk about the why – she needs to hit it.
