“font-family: Verdana;”>“If a man is in his late 30s, early 40s and has never been married, something is wrong with him,” someone said. “Either he’s crazy … or on the down low – so watch yourself.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Really? No … seriously?
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>So there is a statute of limitations for the single black males, and once he has “expired” he is boxed in as mentally unstable or a closeted gay? Help.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I know what you’re thinking. “Some disgruntled thirsty woman spoke this into the universe because a man opted to be by himself rather than deal with her ‘bitter sister’ song and dance.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Wrong.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Actually, a married man was the first to point this out to me. Another married man – who had never met the statement’s originator – co-signed without even knowing it.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Just for sport, black females and our “lists” came up at a social gathering, and of course the “never married/no kids” combo was at or near the top.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Then some kind of way, Steve Harvey’s groundbreaking notion (peep the sarcasm) of dating older men came into the mix of the conversation.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Plenty of the women were game, as long as it wasn’t “too old.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>A friend’s husband essentially told us we should run from the never married older man.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”> “What if he is waiting on God to send him his wife?” a friend says like she is ready to say “check mate” with a side of “in yo’ face!”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“If he is in his 40s, God has probably already sent his wife to him, and he ran in the other direction – for one reason … or another.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Call me idealistic, but I just felt like it wasn’t fair to jump to conclusions about why someone has settled into his pattern of not being settled down.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>But the more I did so, he argued against my opinion – as if he were inside my head.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Look, a woman picks a man and decides she wants to settle down with him,” he said. “A man decides he wants to settle down and picks someone to settle with. Now if he is divorced and decides that he doesn’t want to go down that road again, that’s one thing. But we are not talking about that.”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>His argument was so compelling that I couldn’t help but wrestle with it.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“Okay, if you think gay and crazy are ‘extra,’ then check this out. He has been searching and searching without finding what he is looking for – doesn’t that sound like he has some sort of perfectionism issue?” he continued.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“And if he claims he doesn’t have game in this day and age – when you don’t need ‘em – he is so insecure that he has some other issues that cause problems in the relationship sooner than later. Or he’s one of those compulsive brothers that goes hard in the beginning and falls off as soon as he sees you’ve caught feelings. Is that what you want?”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>Then, on the other side of the country – as if it was the universe begging for a Black & Single about this topic – a friend of mine was just about to get excited about a 44-year-old man she had gone on a few dates with.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>While in that giddy phase where you want to tell everybody, she talked about him while visiting her friend’s house. And as she talked about him, she offered his “stats” and how she didn’t think she could really consider dating an older man until this guy came along.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>“How much older?” the husband chimed in. “Why hasn’t he been married until now? What is going on with him?”
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>He went on to interrogate her like a homicide detective until he came to the same conclusion as the aforementioned male voice of reason.
“font-size: 9.0pt; font-family: Verdana;”>I’m trying not to judge or jump to conclusions …. but …
