“Romance is dead.” That’s what they said while sitting around cheating at pool. At the very last frame of this 9 ball game. The one who had the date at the top of the Empire State is the one who got hustled like a fool.
Those of you who found that poem immediately familiar might remember it from the film Love Jones. But is romance is truly dead?
If you spend much time watching reality TV, you might think so. With shows like I Love New York, Flavor of Love and VH1’s latest television travesty For the Love of Ray J gearing up for yet another season, you have to wonder.
You have random men and women who have never even met these stars dropping whatever they have going on (which, admittedly, probably isn’t much) and traveling from all over the country to fight for the attention and affections of philanderers and talentless celebrity wannabes, all proclaiming their sincere love and loyalty?
Right.
These shows perpetuate the values of quantity over quality, booties and breasts over brains, and Mr./Ms. Right Now over Mr./Ms. Right.
I do not know how many times I’ve seen a woman on one of these shows send home the guy with a degree, career path, decent grammar and basic decorum, opting instead for the bad boy, devoid of any goals whatsoever, offering little more than an abundance of tattoos and a callous disposition.
Or I’ve seen men struggle with the decision whether to keep the not-so-former stripper whose biggest life accomplishment is finally mastering the art of working the pole vs. the self-made entrepreneur who refuses to demonstrate her booty-shaking ability just to boost the ratings.
I know some people watch these shows and get a dangerously false impression of what’s considered acceptable when it comes to winning over the object of your affection. Fighting to the death on national TV to win the heart of some imbecile who’s trying to revive their career is NOT a display of love or romance, despite what they say after handing out that last rose or bedazzled chain during the elimination ceremony.
All that bling and bravado might work wonders with the least discriminating of women. However, if you aspire to a woman of substance, you’re going to have to dig deeper, and not necessarily into your pockets. Ask any real woman and she’ll confirm for you that the little things count.
Keep it simple. A compliment on her hair, reminding her how sexy she is with a little kiss before heading out to work, an impromptu foot rub while watching TV, are all great displays of romance that speak more to intimacy rather than sex and cost absolutely nothing.
That’s not to say that a gift every now and again isn’t appreciated, just that you don’t need to do that to show you care.
And ladies, we are responsible for keeping the romance going as well. Men are usually pretty easy to please, contrary to popular belief. Little things score big points with them as well.
Give him a back rub when you know he’s had a hard day, without demanding that he talk about it. Leave him a little note to tell him that you love him, or get up off your behind and cook something for once!
And of course, you can take a few notes from Usher’s “Trading Places” if you really want to throw him for a loop. Spontaneity + Intimacy = always a good look.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not quite ready to completely write romance off just yet. The key is to learn to cultivate it and, most importantly, appreciate it, in all its forms.
Here’s to the resurrection of romance.