It’s 10 o’clock; do you know where your boyfriend is? Just kidding…or am I?
Honestly, I just wanted to get your attention, and what better way than to insinuate that your man is creepin’?
But in the oh-so-clever “no, this trick didn’t” moment I just laid on you, I thought to myself, “But really, where is he?” – for your sake, not mine … of course.
In my extremely remedial relationship experience, I must say that I’ve never been in a situation where the person was a perpetual infidel – i.e., a rolling stone.
Now, I was the unwilling star of a BET Blackbuster/Lifetime (Television for Women) double life drama equipped with betrayal and deceit, but that’s a horse of an entirely different color.
But back to the “cheat ‘um ups.” It’s quite fascinating when you think about it from the outside looking in.
This woman knows what her man is doing, and while she’s sensitive about the issue, she just pretends like she doesn’t care – even though we all know that she does.
And what led him there in the first place?
Then, like an epiphany (I owe you one, Chrisette Michele), I realized that I was so biased in my automatic thinking when it comes to stepping out in relationships.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know FOR A FACT that more men cheat than women – but to say that men are solely responsible for the way things go down on the creepin’ tip would be the biggest lie ever told.
But I’m not necessarily interested in dissecting that aspect of things this week.
What got my attention is that I was talking to someone I consider an extremely close friend who accidentally exposed that she had been involved in a sideline relationship – with a married man, nonetheless.
Her slip was totally innocent. The act … well … not so much?
“Let’s just say some lines have been crossed,” she replied when I pressed her for more details.
“Okay, now I’ve told you some things that you could seriously blackmail me for if I ever became rich and famous,” I said. “You are gonna have to do better than ‘crossed lines.’”
I felt as betrayed as her guy friend would probably feel if he found out … but the fact is he probably won’t.
He’s so busy caked up in his own dirt that he will never know.
But the crazy thing is that she’s always – well, not always, but more than enough – calls me talking’ about how she doesn’t feel like she can trust him and all of that jazz … you know, the typical “beautiful but insecure woman” syndrome.
But the ridiculously suspenseful sidebar is that my friend is the woman that her other man’s wife is worried about.
I guess.
I finally wear her down with my world-renowned interrogation techniques and she fesses up that the married man has given her gifts, paid her bills, taken her on weekend getaways – all more than likely on the dime of his and his wife’s joint account.
“It’s like a fantasy when we are together,” she said of the relationship – which she swears is now over. “He’s was so attentive, he knew everything about me. He understood me and was concerned about my emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well-being.”
She was careful to make everything sound so past-tense, but I’m still not necessarily certain it’s over.
“I’m sorry, but anybody that will encourage you into adultery don’t give a you-know-what about your spiritual well-being!” I told her.
Then, in my tough love attempt to break down the nature of her and the married man’s situation, I pulled out my ace in the hole with the “You do realize that he won’t leave his wife for you, right?”
While proceeding to ask her about her man and his feelings, I find out to my surprise (and sadness) that’s exactly what she didn’t want.
She was unfazed and even offered this twisted logic about having her needs met with this man actually improving the situation with her boyfriend. What?
I’m trying to think of a clever quote from The Color Purple to summarize my feelings on her reaction and I’m drawing a blank … Well, except for when Celie said, “I’m just gonna stand back and see what color Shug gon’ paint the walls.”
Because y’all know if the wife or the boyfriend finds out, or my friend actually slips up and catches official feelings, it’s not going to be “nothing nice.”
I’ve said ALL of this to say this – what’s the point of being in a relationship that you have to be in other relationships in order to make it work? People do it, but to me – from the outside looking in – it seems so silly.
It’s kind of like buying a house but renting an apartment because you don’t like the fact that the master bedroom is so close to the entrance.
Why not just move?