You might be surprised to know that I don’t have many close friends. I do know a lot of people, but some friends I thought I had have faded from the picture.
Time, distance, marriage, kids and work can all change the dynamics of a friendship. But true friends stick around. Sometimes, the relationship is like a soap opera. You can be away from it for a month, but, when you tune back in, it’s like you haven’t missed a thing.
My perception of friendship has changed, and something more important has come into view. As a black woman, I’ve seen the sistahs who can only stand tall when they’re standing on you. I know that the gossip and backstabbing is not limited to women of color, but, since we share a common struggle, I’m really concerned about us!
I recently learned that a longtime friend, a single mother, is about to have her state assistance cut because she makes too much money. That is compliments of Gov. Blunt. In order to continue to receive $200 a month, she can now make no more than $400 a month, down from 800 or so bucks! I respect the need to balance the budget, but my, my, my!
The story behind the story is that the father of her children is not paying child support, so she must rely on the state.
“Isn’t he remarried?” I asked.
She told me not only has he found a wife, but they’ve had twins. Maybe I’m wrong to think so, but, ladies, if you were getting married and you knew he had other children that he wasn’t taking care of, would you still marry him? What kind of man is that, and what kind of woman are you?
The rate of single black mothers can’t be blamed on other women, that’s not my point. I’ve just always believed that we have to look for a mate who has character. A man who isn’t taking care of his children has no character, and the woman who brings even more children into the world with that man has no vision or character.
I suppose that kind of woman may believe that, as long as he’s taking care of her, she doesn’t have to care about anyone else. Maybe she doesn’t know about her husband’s other babies relying on their mother’s perseverance and Missouri taxpayers. I hear your thoughts.
Believe me, in this case, she knows. And, yes, I’m being more hard on her than on him. As a woman, I have a responsibility to share my wisdom with other women and to admonish you when necessary. Men must speak up to other men, encourage character in them and demand that they handle their business.
So, my sistahs, please don’t have more children with a man who isn’t taking care of the ones he already has! The fractured lives, the dysfunctional families, the lies n we’re all weakened by that.