I am convinced that, over generations, the quality of parenting has deteriorated to the point where many parents are now actually undermining our children’s ability to do well in school and in life.
Of course, we never intend to harm our babies. But the result is the same; children come to school not just unprepared, but badly-prepared. They come with wrong information, unrealistic expectations and terrible habits that make their presence in school a waste of time.
Example: “My child wouldn’t do that. You didn’t do that, did you, Baby?”
It is natural for a parent to protect his or her child from any perceived attack, especially if it comes from an adult. What we’re talking about here is different from protecting the child, though.
The problem is when our children are clearly wrong and another adult brings it to our attention and we view is as a personal attack. We fear the other adult thinks we are bad parents. That’s why we make statements that deflect attention away from or justify the child’s actions.
We can tell we are falling victim to this error when we call the child “my baby or child.” We don’t even use the child’s name, it becomes so personal. We are trying to protect ourselves from embarrassment and shame. Then, to help strengthen our position in our minds (weakening it, in reality), we launch a counterattack.
We are not considered bad parents because our children misbehave. Children have acted up since the beginning of time. That’s the reason we are here: to guide, nurture, protect, correct, teach them how to use their talents for good and to be their example. It is at the point of counterattack that people consider us bad parents. Then others view it as immaturity and irresponsibility on our part.
We miss an opportunity to strengthen our children’s character by having them take responsibility for their actions. We miss an opportunity to grow as aware, responsible parents by dealing with an uncomfortable situation in a mature manner.
We also make it harder for school staff to teach our children because, through our deflection and justification, we give our children permission to continue to misbehave. We destabilize our relationship with the people who spend more awake time with our children than, many times, we do.
Suggestion: Next time someone tells you about something your child did, say, “I’m sorry (child’s name) did that. I will talk to him or her right away. Is there anything in particular you would like me to get across to him or her? Is there anything she or he needs can do to rectify the situation?”
