Columnist James Ingram
Well, it’s a new year and a new decade. So I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to propose some friendly suggestions to some of my favorite political players, operatives and voters on the “IL side” of the Mississippi, regarding some possible New Year’s resolutions for their consideration.
ESL Mayor Alvin Parks Jr.: I resolve (after almost three years in office) to finally accomplish something other than hiring family, rogue cops and extortionists and to prevent nightclubs and liquor stores from selling booze (all night long) regardless of how many people are shot or killed as a result.
Walter Hill (Indicted Ex-Deputy Liquor Commissioner of ESL): I resolve to set a new world record for snitching before the feds finally send me away for allegedly shaking-down liquor stores and nightclubs in ESL.
Carl E. Officer: I resolve to run a serious campaign and become the next State Representative of the 114th District (of Illinois) and bring sorely needed resources to the city of ESL and much needed credibility to Springfield, IL and to East Boogie.
ESL School District 189: We resolve to finally produce students who are as productive academically as they are athletically and to abandon cronyism (and nepotism) as the order of the day.
IL State Rep Eddie Lee Jackson: I resolve to buy some charisma (and a reputation) and let those inside and outside of ESL know just exactly who the hell I am and why I deserved to have the State Representative seat handed to me.
“Dr.” Gordon Bush (former mayor of ESL): I resolve to determine what I’ve done to deserve to have a school named in my honor, while the first black mayor of ESL doesn’t even have an alley named in his honor. I, further, resolve to stop being a political joke for St. Clair County and an embarrassment to ESL.
U.S. Senator Roland Burris: I promise (after my term expires) to just disappear (and stay away) after humiliating myself (and the state of Illinois) for the past year.
Rod Blagojevich: I vow to make 2010 a “%#@! golden” year by avoiding prison and getting a new haircut that makes me look less like a sheepdog.
St. Clair County Board Chairman Mark Kern: I vow to stop using ESL as my own personal political plantation and to, finally, emancipate my political slaves in 2010 (You know who you are).
Lee Coleman (ESL Cable TV Host): I resolve to stop pretending as if I can be paid $200,000 by ESL School District 189 and be a “fair and objective journalist”; especially in light of the cronyism, nepotism and poor performance of ESL schools (which I NEVER challenge, because I’m a shill).
Belleville, IL School District: We resolve to avoid internet and the national media attention by teaching our kids to refrain from beating each other down (on camera) instead of just riding the school bus like civilized students.
ESL City Government: We resolve, after 29 murders in 2009, to balance the lunacy of Mayor Alvin Parks by having zero tolerance for violence, all-night boozing (and liquor sales) and criminal behavior in 2010 and beyond.
IL Drivers and Visitors: We resolve to stop endangering other drivers by texting while driving. And, we understand that (if we don’t), IL police WILL stop us since it’s against the law (in 2010 and beyond).
Until 2011, that should cover it. May 2010 find all of my readers healthy, enlightened, prosperous, encouraged and blessed.
Email: jtingram_1960@yahoo.com