We allow our children to disobey us time and time again before they actually do as we instructed. We think we are giving our children “chances,” but what we’re really doing is teaching them to ignore and challenge adult instruction.
The problem with that is children get the impression they only need to follow instructions when they feel like it. The more times we have to tell them to do the one thing, the less effective our voice becomes.
Because our job is to grow our children into adults who do what is needed when it is needed, we are doing our children a disservice by allowing them to believe the rest of society is going to sweet talk and bribe our immature, hardheaded little angels into doing what they are supposed to do.
We are setting them up for a grueling existence, and the worst part is they won’t understand why they’re getting punished by life.
School success is directly proportionate to the student’s execution of the instructions given him/her. Effective teachers are not going to coddle and cajole students to do their work. They don’t have that kind of time.
Set aside time to have your children practice following your instructions: obedience training, if you will. Give them a few simple jobs to do every day, and use your creativity to make sure they complete them the first time you tell them to do it.
It is very important that you keep your emotions in check as you carry out obedience training, even as you give them consequences for disobedience. This isn’t personal. It’s practice.
Concentrating on reversing this way of teaching our children to fail will strengthen our children’s foundation of academic and life success and at the same time dramatically improve our relationships with our children.
Please let me know how things are working out. I’d love to hear from you.
A. Bolanle Ambonisye, www.freematerials4parents.com, facilitates “Tapping Our Parental Power” parent empowerment workshops. She can be reached at bambonisye@yahoo.com.
