Black men hold a special place in our hearts, but sometimes—just sometimes—y’all make this love thing harder than it needs to be. Read carefully, take notes and apply accordingly.
1. Emotional intelligence
This is 2025, and we need you to tap into those emotions. We’re not asking for full-blown poetry readings. A simple “Hey, I appreciate you” or “I was wrong” will go a long way.
“I don’t need a man to cry on command, but I do need him to recognize when I’m struggling and offer some support,” says Brandi, a Houston educator.
2. Consistency
One day you’re sending “Good morning, beautiful” texts, the next day you’re in witness protection. We need consistency, not surprises.
“If you don’t want to be here, just say that. Don’t make me guess,” says Tiffany, who has retired from the guessing game.
3. Effort
A little effort goes a long way. Plan a date, pay attention to the details and please know that “What you wanna eat?” is not it.
“A man who remembers my favorite flowers, orders my go-to coffee and shows up for me? That’s a man who wins,” says Jasmine.
4. Protection
Yes, we love it when y’all check somebody on our behalf, but protection isn’t just physical, it’s emotional and mental, too. Have our backs in rooms where we’re not present. Stand up for us when it counts.
“Protect me from the group chats full of nonsense, the ‘alpha male’ podcasts and my own tendency to overthink,” said Simone, a mental health advocate.
5. Accountability
If you messed up, own it. It’s really that simple. We’re tired of hearing, “I don’t remember saying that” when the receipts are sitting in our phones.
“Grown men hold themselves accountable. Boys play the blame game,” says Keisha.
6. Vulnerability
Saying “I don’t do emotions” is not an excuse. We want to know what’s on your mind, what worries you, what excites you—because relationships are built on connection, not just vibes.
“It’s attractive when a man can be open and trust me with his thoughts,” says Ashley.
7. Love that feels like partnership
We’re not trying to be ride-or-die for a man who’s still deciding if he even likes us. We want to build with you, not survive with you.
“Stop thinking we have to struggle to prove our loyalty,” says Destiny.
8. Know our love language
If we love words of affirmation, don’t hit us with dry texts. If we need quality time, don’t think a quick FaceTime call while you play Madden counts.
“He can buy me flowers, but I’d much rather he fixes that wobbly shelf in my kitchen,” says Lauren.
9. Make us laugh
Nothing is sexier than a man who can make us laugh. Not just meme-sharing funny, but genuinely funny. Life is stressful enough—we need joy, not dry energy.
“If I can’t ugly laugh with you, we won’t last,” says Camille.
10. Be a man of your word
Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say you’ll call, call. If you say you’ll show up, show up. We notice when you don’t.
“If you say, ‘I got you,’ then have me. No more empty words, please,” says Nia, who is done with broken promises.
This story originally appeared here.