For the St. Louis American
Behind Madeline Long-Gill’s bright smile are dark secrets she is finally ready to tell, especially this October, National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
“Who really talked about domestic violence this month?” Long-Gill said while sitting inside an empty sanctuary at St. Paul AME Church, where she is an assistant minister.
“It’s not talked about in the black church. But God is calling women to come forth and address the issue.”
At the age of 8, Long-Gill was molested by a 12-year-old cousin, leaving her feeling lost and afraid of men. At age 16, when the news of the sexual assaults finally came out, Long-Gill’s father doubted her. “Are you sure?” he kept asking her.
She learned to keep her pain from others, even when men continued to abuse her.
In college, a boyfriend delivered such a severe blow across Long-Gill’s face, she saw stars. Later, in a marriage that lasted three years, Long-Gill’s drug-addicted then-husband abused her on every level possible.
“I didn’t leave him until he almost killed my daughter in a car accident,” said Long-Gill, age 43, with tears in her eyes.
The year was 1985 when Long-Gill and her one-year-old daughter left that abusive household. Now she is prepared to assist other women in finding their balance and spiritual grounding.
“I don’t expect men to talk about this,” Long-Gill said.
“But this, HIV/AIDS among black women, heart disease and domestic violence, these are things women should be addressing from the pulpit.”
In 2003, Long-Gill founded Making a Difference Ministries, an outreach ministry geared toward developing spiritual leadership inside and outside the church.
As a part of her ministry, Long-Gill has planned a retreat for women to learn self-pampering, financial fitness and holistic wellness. Funds garnered from “Woman Heal Thy Self at Sea 2007,” a three-day cruise, will benefit women entering and conducting ministry.
Already, her ministry has donated money to the Rev. Mary Thomas, a pastor at Crossroads AME Church in Hazelwood who runs a HIV/AIDS ministry, and also minister Karen Anderson, creator of Awesome Women of God, an outreach ministry under St. Paul AME Church.
Long-Gill extended the registration for the retreat through November of this year, after a slow reception.
“A lot of women aren’t on board and ready for a healing,” she said.
“I used to be the same way. If someone approached me about domestic violence, I’d run away.”
At the core of Long-Gill’s ministry is her mission to offer financial and spiritual support so women such as Tracey Woods, founder of Epiphany Christian Ministry, can launch their own projects.
“There are a lot of shelters for battered women here, but they’re temporary and mostly full,” said Woods, age 42.
“The state of Missouri turns away 5,000 women a month because there is no room for them.”
Woods is partnering up with Long-Gill to build a shelter that battered women can run to without facing the pitfalls of state bureaucracy.
“State law says a woman can’t bring a 12-year-old son to a shelter. He has to go to a boy’s home or men’s shelter,” Woods said.
“That’s a problem. I want to establish a place a woman can bring their whole family.”
As a survivor of an abusive marriage herself, Woods says there aren’t a lot of places, including the black church, where battered women can find ongoing support.
At the height of her marital nightmare 10 years ago, Woods said she never confided in anyone at a large church in St. Louis she attended every Sunday.
“I knew they couldn’t help me,” she said.
“That sort of thing isn’t addressed in church. There isn’t a program or structure for it.”
Still, even when rigorous programs for victims of abuse are created, many women continue walking in the dark because they feel ashamed or trapped. Long-Gill’s case was no exception.
Much of her life, she put up a façade of wellness and invincibility that kept people at a distance. This made her engage in fewer friendships with women and mentors. Even after leaving her abusive ex-husband and remarrying, Long-Gill’s self-isolation began to shake the foundation of her new life.
Around 1990, Long-Gill and her new husband started a cable-networking business in her hometown of Washington, D.C. They struck gold in the financial market. They were featured in Black Enterprise magazine. They moved into a 6,500 square-foot house. Long-Gill shopped exclusively at boutiques and name-brand stores.
But after a few years, the business crumbled, and Long-Gill lacked the coping mechanisms to see past her problems.
“I was sitting in my home, dressed to the T, with Chanel shoes and bag – and with a gun to my head,” she said.
That day, Long-Gill nervously gripped a nine millimeter and prepared to commit suicide.
“I used to think it was about the money. But I realized I had lost myself. I lost myself at 8,” Long-Gill said, referring to her molestation.
“I didn’t want to be in pain anymore. That gun was there to stop the pain.”
Recently, while planning the women’s retreat, Long-Gill realized she had been keeping these scars from her current husband of more than 20 years.
“My husband never raised a hand at me,” she said. “But I feared if I said something wrong, he’d hit me.”
For the first time this past September, she told her husband about surviving domestic violence in her first marriage.
“My scars married my husband, they went into ministry, they had children,” she said.
“My scars had a very colorful life. But for 20 years, my husband had half of Madeline. I never wanted to give him all of myself.”
Today, with her secrets out in the open, Long-Gill feels better equipped to breathe hope into people’s lives.
“If Justin Timberlake can bring sexy back,” said Long-Gill, with a wide-eyed smile, “then I can bring hope back.”
For more information about the women’s retreat, visit www.madconferences.com
