Thomascina Stringfellow pointed to a dry-erase board where she had written, “Shopping for the Perfect Mother.”
“You’re going to have a grandchild,” said Stringfellow, a facilitator for Fathers’ Support Center’s new Parenting in Partnership Program. “You’re going to put out a want ad for the perfect mother, the right mother for your grandchild. What are some characteristics of her?”
The three mothers in Stringfellow’s parenting class began to throw out answers: nurturing, loving and protective. But then Stringfellow pushed them further, saying, “What else? We need to fill this whole board.”
Miriam Brown, a 26-year-old mother of three, explained that a mother needs to know how to care for herself, eat right and be healthy, physically and emotionally.
“If she can’t do that for herself, then she won’t be able to do it for her child,” Brown said.
Staying healthy will also help her to motivate and inspire her children, said Lisa Walton, 35, who has three children.
“She has to know how to push my grandchild and encourage him to go further than what he sees in front of him,” Walton said. “She needs to be organized so her child can get the most out of each opportunity as possible.”
Then Stringfellow turned the question on them: “Are you this kind of mother?”
On December 14, the mothers are set to graduate from the parenting class, which is hosted by Fathers’ Support Center in North St. Louis. For six weeks, the mothers met four days a week, from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., to discuss parenting skills and healthy relationships. The participants also have access to a therapist – both for themselves and their families – an employment counselor who walks them through mock job interviews, and resources to help them attain a GED, higher education or a vocational skill. They also have access to resources for substance abuse, legal guidance for custody battles or domestic violence disputes and financial education.
After graduation, the mothers will enter the next part of the yearlong program, which is to work with a mentor.
Targeted at low-income families, the overall vision of the program is to break the cycle of poverty and create an environment where children can thrive materially, emotionally and spiritually.
Since 1998, Fathers’ Support Center has offered these kinds of resources to fathers, and it has always been a goal to bring the mothers in as well, said Sandra Bryant, program coordinator. That opportunity came in 2015, when the center obtained $150,000 in funding from the local nonprofit Archs to start the Parenting in Partnership Program. The program recently received additional funds through a $319,000 Mission and Ministry Grant from Daughters of Charity to expand its reach.
While the fathers’ program is more like a boot camp, the mothers’ group is closer to a sisterhood, Bryant said.
“Most of the women have experienced some kind of trauma or have some mental health issues,” Bryant said. “Many of them came from broken homes themselves. But it’s helpful for them to come together to see they are often experiencing the same thing.”
Walton said that she’s tried to participate in other “support” programs for mothers. “You go in, and they give you some pamphlets, and that’s it,” she said. But this program is different. “It’s actually a support system,” she said. “I don’t have that.”
The Parenting in Partnership program is unique because it’s a one-stop shop for mothers who have multiple needs, Bryant said, while other organizations tend to only focus on one issue, such as substance abuse or domestic violence.
“To focus on everything from mental health to substance abuse to domestic violence to education to child care, it’s not been done [in St. Louis],” Bryant said.
This is Brown’s second attempt to finish the program. She was eight months pregnant the last time through, and she didn’t get a chance to finish when her baby came early, she said. But she knew she needed to come back.
“I’m a better communicator now,” Brown said. “Before I’d shut off on anyone who wanted to help me. Sometimes I was violent, but now I’m more patient. I make sure not to fly off the handle.”
Brown’s experience is truly at the heart of the program: to emphasize stronger co-parenting. Some of the fathers have taken or are currently taking classes at the center. When that’s not possible, the program helps the mothers to communicate better with the fathers.
Carmesha Jackson, 24, said she came into the program with a negative outlook on life.
“Before I came, I was out of control,” said Jackson, who has a 1-year-old. “I’m learning stuff every day. It’s a great opportunity to better yourself for your kids.”
All three mothers said they are grateful for how much Bryant and Stringfellow care about their children and their lives.
“Our payment is when you walk across the stage,” said a teary-eyed Bryant. “The families see the change when they come to graduation. They become a walking billboard for the program’s success. Other people see them and say, ‘I want to do it too.’”
For more information about Parenting in Partnership or to enroll in the program, call 314-333-4170, email coordinator Sandra Bryant (sbryant@fatherssupport.org) or visit www.fatherssupportcenter.org.
