I have a new cell phone.
The previous phone had been mine since Tony La Russa’s second year in St. Louis.
Nine years ago, I was impressed with its late 1990s technology. But times changed, and I didn’t. I kept that phone until it melted down.
Now that I have a new one, I wonder why it took me so long to change.
If the St. Louis Cardinals were a cell phone, it would be time for an upgrade. It’s meltdown time.
It’s obvious management is not going to make any major moves to improve the team.
It’s clear that the La Russa vs. Scott Rolen feud will either lead to a lopsided trade in someone else’s favor or a strained relationship poisoning the clubhouse throughout the 2008 season.
It’s looking like the starting rotation will rely on Adam Wainwright having a big year, the injured Mark Mulder coming back better than he has been in two seasons, and a miracle or two from pitching coach Dave Duncan.
Folks, it’s not going to work. Thus, I’m sticking by my column that predicts La Russa will not survive the season.
Since I got my new cell phone, I’ve received a couple of wrong number calls.
Every time I see a number I don’t recognize I figure it is the Cardinals calling to see if I am available to bat leadoff. I used to be pretty good at the top of the batting order. What’s scary is that at age 47 I’m just about as qualified as any candidate on the Cardinals roster right now.
The newly acquired Caesar Izturis has a lifetime on-base percentage of .295. No, that’s not his career batting average, that’s his on-base percentage. In short, that’s awful.
Brandon Ryan is no leadoff hitter. David Eckstein is now a part of Cardinals history. The franchise’s leading prospect, Colby Rasmus, won’t be here until at least September.
Rick Ankiel is far from a leadoff batter, and the rest of the starting lineup can’t fit that job description.
Maybe I should call the Cardinals on this new phone.
I could wish the franchise a Merry Christmas and remind them what Cardinal Nation would love to receive during the holidays.
The fans want a nice gift in return for the millions and millions of dollars they provide each year.
Yes, the Cardinals gave the city a world championship in 2006. But it did no Christmas shopping last winter, and the result was obvious on the field six months later.
This year, it seems the Cards are having trouble finding their wallet. It’s stuffed with cash, but the dough must be lost or locked in a safety deposit box.
Like an old cell phone just waiting for a total breakdown, the Redbirds can’t dial the long-distance numbers needed to make the playoffs.
There is still time to prove me wrong, but chairman Bill DeWitt sees satisfied with this older-model phone. He promises it will work better this year than last, but there is no reason to believe him.
He promises that things will be better in the future. But by that time, the Chicago Cubs and Milwaukee Brewers would have already upgraded to spiffy newer models – again leaving this proud franchise in their respective dust.
Sorry, wrong number, Cardinals.
You’re hanging up on Cardinal Nation. But their will be a price to pay for this attitude. Fewer calls will be made when single-game tickets go on sale in a few weeks. Fewer season tickets will be sold.
Most importantly, the loving relationship the team has with its fans will be temporarily disconnected until an upgrade takes place on the field.