I was once a big fan of the Jerry Springer Show. I admit it. It was one of my guilty pleasures years ago.
The show was so outrageous and the people were so over-the-top buffoonish, that I could not get enough of it. When it used to come on at 11:30 p.m. after Jay Leno, I would watch the show religiously.
It has been years since I’ve seen an episode of Jerry Springer, but that changed last Thursday night when I watched LeBron James’ ill-fated, trainwreck of a one-hour reality show entitled “The Decision” last week.
Bron Bron’s announcement that he was going to leave his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers to play for the Miami Heat had all of the elements of a classic Jerry Springer episode.
Jerry Springer: Everybody, let’s welcome our first guest, LeBron, to the Show. How are you LeBron.
LeBron: I’m cool Jerry.
Jerry Springer: I understand you are here with a secret for your loving and loyal fans.
LeBron: Yeah Jerry. I’ve been with these people for the past seven years. We’ve had a lot of fun together, but it’s got to end. But I’m just tired of being everything to these people. They are so demanding of me. They want so much of me and I just can’t take it anymore. The pressure is just too much, so I’m here to let them go. I’ve hooked up with some new people in my life and I’m going South to be with them. This pressure in Cleveland is to much. It’s time to have some fun.
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry Springer: O.K., you seem to have your mind made up. Let’s bring out your partner.
(Out comes Cavs owner Dan Gilbert and a group of loyal Cavs fans).
Jerry Springer: Hi Dan. Welcome to the show.
Dan: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry Springer: Of course, you know Lebron, here. How would you describe your relationship?
Dan: It’s been like heaven. We love LeBron here in Cleveland and LeBron loves us. He’s one of us. We’ve had so much heartbreak in this city and LeBron understands that, because he is from here. We’ve done everything for him to make him feel like a king. We couldn’t be happier with the way things are.
Jerry Springer: Well Dan. LeBron has something he wants to tell you. LeBron, you can take it away.
LeBron: I brought all of you here on national television to tell you that I don’t want to be with you anymore. I’m tired or you and I want out of this relationship. I’m kicking you to the curb. It’s over!
Dan: Gasp!
The Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Dan: What! Why are you doing this. We have loved you and supported you since you were in high school. This cannot be happening.
LeBron: You just don’t do it for me anymore. You want too much and I cannot handle it. It’s time to move on.
Jerry: Dan. How do you feel about this. Talk to Lebron.
Dan: We’ve done everything for you. We’ve paid you millions of dollars. We let all of your friends fly on the team charters and gave them jobs in the organizations. We even built a $25 million practice facility close to your house so you wouldn’t have to drive so far to practice. If you were so unhappy. Why wouldn’t you say something to us sooner. Why bring us on national television to humiliate us like this.
LeBron: Whatever.
Audience: Booooooo!!!
Jerry Springer: LeBron, I believe you have something else to tell Dan.
LeBron: Bye!
Dan: LeBron, You @$%^$. I hate you!
Jerry Springer: Let’s bring out Dwyane and Chris.
(Out comes Wade and Bosh to a chorus of boos and Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!)
Jerry Springer: Hello Dwayne and Chris.
Dwyane: What’s up Jerry.
Jerry: What’s going on here.
Dwyane: Well, we’ve been friends for many years. We came into the pros together. We hung out in China and we always talked about getting together. I’ve been trying to get him to South Beach to some time now and now I’ve got him.
Dan: LEBRON! ALL THIS TIME, WE THOUGHT YOU LOVED AND CARED ABOUT US YOU COWARD! YOU QUITTER! HOW CAN YOU BETRAY US LIKE THIS! I HATE YOU!
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
LeBron: Sorry babe. That’s how it is.
Dan: I’M GONNA KICK YOUR …..
(Dan makes a rush at LeBron, D-Wade and Bosh, only to be intercepted and restrained by Steve Wilkos).
Audience: Steve! Steve! Steve!
Jerrry: We’ll be back after this commercial to talk to a guy from Minnesota named Brett.
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Final Thought: LeBron James has the basketball talent fit to be a king. He enjoyed the celebrity status, fame and adulation that came with being the self-proclaimed “King.” However, there is responsibility, intense heat and unbelievable pressure and scrutiny that also goes with being the King. In the end, LeBron wanted no part of that, which is why be buckled under the pressure. We saw it in Game 5 of the Boston series and we saw it again last week during this reality show. Indeed, Lebron will be happier because he will not have the weight of the world on his shoulders to lead a team to the NBA title, whether it was Cleveland, Chicago or New York. Instead, he will happily take up his new residence in Dwyane Wade’s kingdom and play the role of the outrageously talented Robin to Wade’s Batman while dancing, tossing chalk and taking fake snapshots to his heart’s content. Not everyone is cut out to be the King. It the end, LeBron was true to himself and who he really is: A big kid who really wants to play and have some fun.
