The holidays are here. Though you may have been fooled by the lack of snow, Christmas time is here. St. Nicholas, a former point guard, is ready to soar through the neighborhood dropping no-look, alley oop dimes of Christmas cheer. Since many of your favorite athletes are extremely busy during the holiday season, several have asked me to relay their gift requests to Santa Clause, as he is a faithful reader of The St. Louis American.
Odell Beckham Jr. – a punching bag and some Ritalin
OBJ went MMA on Carolina Panthers cornerback Josh Norman on Sunday. Beckham looked more Jon “Bones” Jones than Jerry Rice as he bumped, tackled, wrestled and speared Norman throughout the football game. The officials must have received a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past the night prior and thought we were still in the era of Jack Tatum, Lawrence Taylor or Ronnie Lott and ‘anything goes’ football. Sorry zebras, but we are now in a much more passive football league. Big hits are barely allowed during a play, much less after the whistle has blown.
Beckham was reportedly upset that the Panthers mocked him with a bat and taunted him using homophobic slurs. Though Beckham’s anger may have been justified, the young superstar will need to learn to use his anger as motivation to make plays instead of taking cheap shots at every chance. If we’ve learned anything from NFL bad boys like Richie Incognito and Ndamukong Suh, it’s to at least act like your cheap shot was an accident. If nothing else, wait for a fumble and pile on to unleash the eye gouges and lip yanks like everybody else. Now he’ll watch the Giants next game from home after being suspended for one game by the NFL.
The St. Louis Cardinals – Cardinal Way 2.0
St. Louis Cardinals GM John Mozeliak and manager Mike Matheny often talk about doing things the Cardinal Way. For some, it may seem silly to argue duo as the Cardinals considering the Redbirds’ rich postseason history. However the Cardinals whiffed on signing pitching ace David Price or re-signing Jason Heyward or John Lackey. The Cardinals organization has proven it can acquire talent via trade, but if it can’t figure out a way to sign quality free-agents, the team will find its way sinking to the bottom of the NL Central. As the football stadium brigade has shown, selling St. Louis isn’t easy. The Cardinals need to come up with some speed, power and personality in order to send the Cubs back to the basement where they belong.
The St. Louis Rams – a new owner to go with the shiny new stadium
The St. Louis Board of Aldermen and Mayor Francis Slay signed off on the stadium proposal put together by Dave Peacock. Now the team fans are playing the waiting game. After the long, drawn out debacle over a new stadium, fans don’t only want to see a new stadium built in downtown STL, they’d love to see a new owner who actually wants to play there. I’m sure Stan Kroenke has Santa on speed dial and has certainly put Los Angeles on his wish list. However, inside sources in the North Pole have hinted that Kroenke is on the big guy’s naughty list and may have to settle for hundreds of millions of Midwestern greenbacks instead of a free pass to Cali.
P.S. We don’t want to be greedy, but if there are any franchise QBs lying around, bring one of those too.
Kobe Bryant – a 40-spot and a win on Christmas Day
Uncle Kobe has been slowly shaking off the ashes and becoming a solid player again. His days as the face of the league are long gone, even aged superstars still show a flicker of greatness every now and then. With the Lakers facing the Clippers on Christmas Day, you can be Bryant is hoping Santa will leave a 40-point game and a W under the tree. Let’s face it, Los Angeles is temporarily a Clippers town. However the Clippers are known for choking and the Black Mamba has made a career at going after folks throats. It’d be nice to see Bryant shine one more time on the big stage.
Clutch or Nah?
Clutch: The NBA justannounced the nominees for the 2016 Hall of Fame class. While there plenty of voting to narrow the massive list down to the finalists, a few guys named Shaquille O’Neal, Allen Iverson and Yao Ming are shoe-ins to be first-ballot guys. Some may scoff at Ming, whose career was cut short due to injuries, but Yao was a beast when he was healthy and he’ll be routed through the International Committee, which makes his induction a cake walk.
Nah: Our favorite NBA diva Dwight Howard is reportedly unhappy with the Houston Rockets. Though Howard refuted the reports, his (interim) coach Bernie Bickerstaff acknowledged that his big man is frustrated. So far the Rockets have been underachievers and Howard’s meager 13 point average can’t sit too well with the big fella. To make matters worse, James Harden, the guy who ate Howard’s shot attempts is likely to be a unanimous winner of the Worst Actor in the Defense category at the 2016 Oscars.
Clutch: Shout out to the Mizzou women’s basketball team. I told you about Columbia’s newest star Sophie Cunningham a few weeks ago. The freshman phenom has led the Tigers to a 12-0 start and the team’s first Top 25 ranking since 2006!
Nah: Just a week after getting loose on Patrick Beverly, Rudy Gay got lost trying to catch an alley oop verses the Washington Wizards. Apparently Gay’s hops took the night off and forgot to text him. Poor guy didn’t even get close to the rim.
Follow Ishmael and In the Clutch on Twitter @IshmaelSistrunk
