As children, we were accompanied to the doctor by our parents and they discussed with the doctor all of our issues and asked all of the questions. Parents were responsible for being the repository of information regarding our immunization history, past surgeries, and past medical conditions. It was also through parents that all consents were obtained and lab results were reviewed.
However, as we age, there should be a smooth exchange of the baton between child and parent. There will come a time that our parents are no longer able to navigate the healthcare system alone. Our parents may require assistance making appointments, keeping appointments, remembering to take medications, and making serious medical decisions regarding their care.
What I have observed over the years is how family members wait too late to get involved in their loved ones care. Once your loved one is in the process of getting a below the knee amputation secondary to diabetes complications, intervention is a little late at that point. Prevention and preparation are always the most effective plans. Families should discuss concerns and wishes with one another early so that a unified message is then relayed to the medical provider.
Usually what happens is the long distance son who has not visited his father in over a year calls the office demanding to know why his father did not receive a certain medication or treatment. This son has never been to any of his father’s medical visits nor has he spoken with the staff before now even though the father has been seen in this particular office for several years. The only person who has accompanied the father on occasion is a nephew that the son claims is incompetent. This scenario may sound fictitious but it is one that I encounter all too often.
Information that children should know about their parents
- Medication list: name of medicine, dosage, and how they take it (keep on a laminated index card)
- Past medical history: every medical condition should be listed including past immunizations
- Past surgical and procedural history: why was it done?
- Allergies
- Names of all specialists
The exact time to start accompanying parents to medical visits depends on several issues. Does your parent have any memory impairment, have they been involved in multiple accidents recently, are they on multiple medications, do they have multiple health issues, or have they been hospitalized recently? If the answer to any of those questions is “yes”, then under the approval of your parent, you should definitely be involved in their care.
Your parent should then sign a statement giving you permission to speak with the doctor and staff. The other children or family should be made aware that all questions regarding their mom/dad should be filtered through you. THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE DOES NOT NEED NOR WANT ALL SIX CHILDREN CALLING THE OFFICE MULTIPLE TIMES DAY AND NIGHT.
Your parent should also consider preparing a living will. A living will is a legal document expressing his/her wishes in the event that they cannot speak for themselves regarding life prolonging medical treatments. This important but often neglected document will reduce a great amount of suffering and frustration during a stressful health crisis.
The bottom line: take a proactive stance in the care of your parent. Get involved early. Know what the issues are. Introduce yourself to your parent’s doctor. Get all of the necessary documents and keep them in a folder. Meet with your family regularly to update them on the health status of your mom/dad. Aging is inevitable. But family dysfunction regarding the care of a loved one can be avoided!
Lifestyle success stories
One reader reports that since reading my lifestyle challenge she decided to make a conscious effort to eat better: she cut down on potato chips. One of my patients who gave me permission to tell his story has lost about 40 pounds in about five months. He did this by simply making better food choices. He cooked at home, cut out fried and processed foods, and decreased sugars. He lost this weight without even doing a lot of exercising.
Encouraged yet? Let me know what you are doing!
Yours in Service,
Denise Hooks-Anderson, M.D.
Assistant Professor
SLUCare Family Medicine
yourhealthmatters@stlamerican.com
