De-Andrea Blaylock-Solar has made history as the state of Missouri’s first certified Black sex therapist. Baylock-Solar was certified through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). The history-making sex therapist has been in the field since 2011.
What is a sex therapist?
A licensed mental health practitioner who has additional certification and training on sexuality and relationships. Not only is Baylock-Solar breaking the glass ceiling, she also works full-time as a licensed clinical social worker.
Over time she has been asked why she chose sex therapy as a career, which is not as ordinary as someone choosing to become a firefighter or teacher. “I always knew I wanted a career in relationship therapy,” said Blaylock-Solar. But she said she wanted to add a twist to being a sex therapist by incorporating her perspectives as a Christian.
During undergrad, she was having a conversation with her line sister about their future goals of becoming social workers. She took a course on human sexuality taught by Linda Winer, whom Baylock-Solar considers the OG of teaching human sexuality. This was the future therapist’s first time meeting a certified professional. That experience set the tone for her.
In 2006, she went to the AASECT conference in St. Louis and soon realized there weren’t many in the room who looked like her – an observation that made her reluctant to stay on this career path. She wasn’t sure if there was space for her in that line of work and she didn’t think AASECT would be receptive to a Black woman. Fortunately, that was not the case.
“It took me a while to move forward with pursuing the certification,” Blaylock-Solar said. “I found out the AASECT is open to accepting me.”
As for her clients, Blaylock-Solar said people seek sex therapy for a variety of reasons, most of which are not all that glamorous. The majority of her clients come in experiencing low libido or, in other words, a low interest in sex. Some couples seek advice on how to please each other, especially when the relationship is a ‘mix-match,’ with one partner being more interested in sex than the other. Finally, she said she advises several couples who don’t prioritize their relationship.
And then there is sex addiction. Or is that a real term? Not according to Blaylock-Solar, who tells the St. Louis American that sex addiction is not a diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM5. She said sex addiction refers to individuals whose sexual behavior is out of control. For example, sexual thoughts or behaviors can be intrusive and difficult to control. But she said the cure isn’t abstinence. Instead, she recommends that individuals with those behaviors continue to have sex as long as they do so in a way that isn’t harmful.
You can’t talk with a sex therapist without talking about safe sex. Blaylock-Solar recommends communicating with your partner(s) and being open and honest about your health status. Don’t be afraid to ask them about theirs. She suggests getting tested for an STI and HIV/AIDS and continuing to have the conversation about safe sex. “Don’t stop at 60,” she said. “There is an uptick in STI infections amongst older adults.”
The topic of sex has been taboo for many generations, largely because of white supremacists who used it to control the oppressed, Blaylock-Solar said. Colonization allowed white supremacists to create their idea of sexual standards that they didn’t even live up to. This is the reason why discussions of sex and sexuality are still taboo in some Black families.
“We are constantly measuring ourselves to those colonized sexual standards and sometimes we don’t even know it,” Blaylock-Solar said.
Fortunately, this expert was raised in a home that talked openly about sex and sexuality. Laughing at her joke she said, “It’s no surprise I became a sex therapist.”
She urges parents to have that discussion with young kids when they become curious or ask questions about it. Give age-appropriate information in a way they can easily understand. The questions are coming from a place of curiosity, so provide information without judgment, she said.
She said she firmly believes that someone in her position as a Christian sex therapist is so important to the Black community.
“I enjoy helping people dismantle bad theology so they can have good sex,” she said. In her line of work, she has come across people who have learned negative things about sex and it came from their faith community. “Some faith leaders attempt to control the sexuality of their congregation, especially women,” she added.
Blaylock-Solar teaches her clients how to work through negative ideologies so they can have good, healthy experiences with sex – even if they believe in abstinence before marriage. She follows the work of Brittany Broddaus-Smith a Christian Sexologist, who believes God created people to be sexual beings, and being abstinent before marriage doesn’t mean sexual desires are absent or should be prayed away.
“How you show up in this world inclusive of your gender identity, inclusive of your sexuality. That’s a gift from God.”
Ashley Winters is a Report for America reporter for the St. Louis American.